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Got an unexpected happy ending at a massage parlor

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Rest

Rest

All these years later I still chuckle at what a fucking moron that guy is.
ThankYouDaletech said:
One time I was reading a local free paper and one of the prostitute ads in the back said "We speak Greek!" and I was like "Man that's weird and specific language to want a prostitute to speak" and then later in the day I was like "Oh wait that means they'll let you fuck them in the ass."
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That's actually not what that means.
 
D

Deleted member 529084

Unconfirmed Member
I can never seem to pay to have my dick touched.

From the experience I described above to another time a stripper said I could pay her and she'd let me jerk off while she used a dildo on herself. Wasn't to bad...accept she let a Malboro red with her free hand a few minutes in..

I did take a girl to fancy place, 6 course meals and wine tasting last month.
Was around $600...got a handy out of that in a Wawa parking lot!
 
L

LucidMomentum

Member
SPMH said:
I can never seem to pay to have my dick touched.

From the experience I described above to another time a stripper said I could pay her and she'd let me jerk off while she used a dildo on herself.

I did take a girl to fancy place, 6 course meals and wine tasting last month.
Was around $600...got a handy out of that in a Wawa parking lot!
Click to expand...

I love that you're the only one taking this seriously.
Bless your heart. You just can't seem to buy your way in.

They have sites for that though, if you're really interested. Better luck than expecting sex for dates, I'd imagine.
 
B

brainchild

Banned
Kyledk05 said:
Twist: LucidMomentum is a pro
vider...
Click to expand...


200w.gif



LucidMomentum said:
Oh I do
quid pro quo
alright. Veritable
tit for tat.

REDACTED
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giphy.gif




Rest said:
I read an article in "Buttman Magazine" about online communities for frequent johns that explained the jargon and some of the mindset. It was interesting, because it was kind of an ad for the sites, yet the author wrote about prostitution with contempt. An author who works for a company that pays men and women to have sex with each other...

It adds flair and a bit of suspense.
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giphy.gif
 
P

PeskyToaster

Member
Does White Man's rule still apply despite him not being a mod and not posting? Who will take on the burden to parse through all of GAF's sexy fake proof?
 
T

ThankYouDaletech

Banned
I mean I know videogames are overpriced so I just wait until they're on sale or $20 or whatever.

It's not like the handjob lady is going to become a greatest hits handjobber after she gives out a million handies or whatever so that shit just costs what it costs.

It's not a good analogy, really.
 
Rest

Rest

All these years later I still chuckle at what a fucking moron that guy is.
ThankYouDaletech said:
Well Urban Dictionary agrees with me, but I'll defer to an expert if you have some input on the matter?
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Well I was under the impression that it meant having someone jerk you off with their butt cheeks, but I can no longer find the article I read it in. It was really kind of funny, it had a bunch of other weirdo sex euphemisms, too.
 
D

donkey show

Member
TheExorzist said:
Better go all the way to Asia man. The bigger massage parlors there are amazing.
You pay a fee and can then stay in that place for all day. I've been in Hong Kong and Singapore and it's fascinating. It's basically an all day undertaking. You have multiple saunas, whirlpools, a small cinema and you can eat as much as you want. And then of course the massage with happy ending. I don't think it's possible to have a more relaxing day than in one of those parlors.
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T

Teemo

Banned
A few years back, a group of friends and I went to the strip club after playing poker for a few hours. It was a Saturday night and place was packed. I was tipsy already. I think I told myself I was only going to spend $150 to $200 on drinks and lapdances. There was a lot of strippers standing around-texting, smoking, talking with other strippers. I saw a hot blonde with huge boobs and asked for a lapdance. It was $25 and all she did was grind on me for like 2-3 minutes. She didn't like me suck on her tits or anything and she didn't even take off her thong. She asked me if I wanted to go to the champagne room for $250 and said we can have some real fun. I declined and gave her $30 and went back to join my friends. After a few more drinks, a hot latina girl came to our table and sat on my friends lap. She was trying to get him to pay for a private dance, but he was so wasted. I told her I wanted one and we went back to the same lapdance room. This dance was better because she let me motorboat her. lol. But, again, nothing really happened. I paid her $30 and went back to join my friends. We're getting ready to leave after another round of drinks. I decided I would get one more lap dance and probably never come to a strip club for years as I thought it was a waste of money so far. I see a very thick latina girl on stage. Her ass is so big. She goes around the stage so people nearby can throw money. I approach her and tell her I wanted a lap dance. After she gets off stage, she disappears for a few minutes. I thought she forgot about me and probably went to join another table, but she didn't and came to our table and we went straight into the back. We pick a spot in the back of the lapdance room, away from other people. When the song starts, she pulls off her g-string. Okay. Major improvement over the other 2 girls. She told me she's puerto rican and only worked at the club for 1 month. She shoves her pussy near my face, and I still don't know why I did it to this day, but I started eating her out. After a few minutes of eating her and fingering her, she said she wanted to return the favor. She takes my dick out and starts blowing me. Like holy shit. Is this really happening? Oh shit, how many guys did she do this to already?!! I didn't care. I was in the moment and this was the best lap dance ever. I cummed midway thru the second song. Afterwards we talked, she said 3 songs have passed and if I wanted another lapdance. I already cummed so I didn't see the point. I owed her $75, I gave her $100.

Luckily I didn't catch anything. I went back to that same stripclub 2 months later, but I never see her again. I still think about her to this day and wonder where she is.
 
T

ThankYouDaletech

Banned
Teemo said:
A few years back, a group of friends and I went to the strip club after playing poker for a few hours. It was a Saturday night and place was packed. I was tipsy already. I think I told myself I was only going to spend $150 to $200 on drinks and lapdances. There was a lot of strippers standing around-texting, smoking, talking with other strippers. I saw a hot blonde with huge boobs and asked for a lapdance. It was $25 and all she did was grind on me for like 2-3 minutes. She didn't like me suck on her tits or anything and she didn't even take off her thong. She asked me if I wanted to go to the champagne room for $250 and said we can have some real fun. I declined and gave her $30 and went back to join my friends. After a few more drinks, a hot latina girl came to our table and sat on my friends lap. She was trying to get him to pay for a private dance, but he was so wasted. I told her I wanted one and we went back to the same lapdance room. This dance was better because she let me motorboat her. lol. But, again, nothing really happened. I paid her $30 and went back to join my friends. We're getting ready to leave after another round of drinks. I decided I would get one more lap dance and probably never come to a strip club for years as I thought it was a waste of money so far. I see a very thick latina girl on stage. Her ass is so big. She goes around the stage so people nearby can throw money. I approach her and tell her I wanted a lap dance. After she gets off stage, she disappears for a few minutes. I thought she forgot about me and probably went to join another table, but she didn't and came to our table and we went straight into the back. We pick a spot in the back of the lapdance room, away from other people. When the song starts, she pulls off her g-string. Okay. Major improvement over the other 2 girls. She told me she's puerto rican and only worked at the club for 1 month. She shoves her pussy near my face, and I still don't know why I did it to this day, but I started eating her out. After a few minutes of eating her and fingering her, she said she wanted to return the favor. She takes my dick out and starts blowing me. Like holy shit. Is this really happening? Oh shit, how many guys did she do this to already?!! I didn't care. I was in the moment and this was the best lap dance ever. I cummed midway thru the second song. Afterwards we talked, she said 3 songs have passed and if I wanted another lapdance. I already cummed so I didn't see the point. I owed her $75, I gave her $100.

Luckily I didn't catch anything. I went back to that same stripclub 2 months later, but I never see her again. I still think about her to this day and wonder where she is.
Click to expand...

Always keep a dental dam in your wallet bro. Never know when you'll have to go down on a prostitute.
 
Premium Quality

Premium Quality

Member
Teemo said:
A few years back, a group of friends and I went to the strip club after playing poker for a few hours. It was a Saturday night and place was packed. I was tipsy already. I think I told myself I was only going to spend $150 to $200 on drinks and lapdances. There was a lot of strippers standing around-texting, smoking, talking with other strippers. I saw a hot blonde with huge boobs and asked for a lapdance. It was $25 and all she did was grind on me for like 2-3 minutes. She didn't like me suck on her tits or anything and she didn't even take off her thong. She asked me if I wanted to go to the champagne room for $250 and said we can have some real fun. I declined and gave her $30 and went back to join my friends. After a few more drinks, a hot latina girl came to our table and sat on my friends lap. She was trying to get him to pay for a private dance, but he was so wasted. I told her I wanted one and we went back to the same lapdance room. This dance was better because she let me motorboat her. lol. But, again, nothing really happened. I paid her $30 and went back to join my friends. We're getting ready to leave after another round of drinks. I decided I would get one more lap dance and probably never come to a strip club for years as I thought it was a waste of money so far. I see a very thick latina girl on stage. Her ass is so big. She goes around the stage so people nearby can throw money. I approach her and tell her I wanted a lap dance. After she gets off stage, she disappears for a few minutes. I thought she forgot about me and probably went to join another table, but she didn't and came to our table and we went straight into the back. We pick a spot in the back of the lapdance room, away from other people. When the song starts, she pulls off her g-string. Okay. Major improvement over the other 2 girls. She told me she's puerto rican and only worked at the club for 1 month. She shoves her pussy near my face, and I still don't know why I did it to this day, but I started eating her out. After a few minutes of eating her and fingering her, she said she wanted to return the favor. She takes my dick out and starts blowing me. Like holy shit. Is this really happening? Oh shit, how many guys did she do this to already?!! I didn't care. I was in the moment and this was the best lap dance ever. I cummed midway thru the second song. Afterwards we talked, she said 3 songs have passed and if I wanted another lapdance. I already cummed so I didn't see the point. I owed her $75, I gave her $100.

Luckily I didn't catch anything. I went back to that same stripclub 2 months later, but I never see her again. I still think about her to this day and wonder where she is.
Click to expand...

She sounds premium quality.
 
N

NotTheGuyYouKill

Member
Teemo said:
A few years back, a group of friends and I went to the strip club after playing poker for a few hours. It was a Saturday night and place was packed. I was tipsy already. I think I told myself I was only going to spend $150 to $200 on drinks and lapdances. There was a lot of strippers standing around-texting, smoking, talking with other strippers. I saw a hot blonde with huge boobs and asked for a lapdance. It was $25 and all she did was grind on me for like 2-3 minutes. She didn't like me suck on her tits or anything and she didn't even take off her thong. She asked me if I wanted to go to the champagne room for $250 and said we can have some real fun. I declined and gave her $30 and went back to join my friends. After a few more drinks, a hot latina girl came to our table and sat on my friends lap. She was trying to get him to pay for a private dance, but he was so wasted. I told her I wanted one and we went back to the same lapdance room. This dance was better because she let me motorboat her. lol. But, again, nothing really happened. I paid her $30 and went back to join my friends. We're getting ready to leave after another round of drinks. I decided I would get one more lap dance and probably never come to a strip club for years as I thought it was a waste of money so far. I see a very thick latina girl on stage. Her ass is so big. She goes around the stage so people nearby can throw money. I approach her and tell her I wanted a lap dance. After she gets off stage, she disappears for a few minutes. I thought she forgot about me and probably went to join another table, but she didn't and came to our table and we went straight into the back. We pick a spot in the back of the lapdance room, away from other people. When the song starts, she pulls off her g-string. Okay. Major improvement over the other 2 girls. She told me she's puerto rican and only worked at the club for 1 month. She shoves her pussy near my face, and I still don't know why I did it to this day, but I started eating her out. After a few minutes of eating her and fingering her, she said she wanted to return the favor. She takes my dick out and starts blowing me. Like holy shit. Is this really happening? Oh shit, how many guys did she do this to already?!! I didn't care. I was in the moment and this was the best lap dance ever. I cummed midway thru the second song. Afterwards we talked, she said 3 songs have passed and if I wanted another lapdance. I already cummed so I didn't see the point. I owed her $75, I gave her $100.

Luckily I didn't catch anything. I went back to that same stripclub 2 months later, but I never see her again. I still think about her to this day and wonder where she is.
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latest
 
E

Exokell

Banned
Haha I was expecting fresh prince of bel air or you lost the game at the end of teemo's story. Got a better ending. Lol
 
way more

way more

Member
Teemo said:
A few years back, a group of friends and I went to the strip club after playing poker for a few hours. It was a Saturday night and place was packed. I was tipsy already. I think I told myself I was only going to spend $150 to $200 on drinks and lapdances. There was a lot of strippers standing around-texting, smoking, talking with other strippers. I saw a hot blonde with huge boobs and asked for a lapdance. It was $25 and all she did was grind on me for like 2-3 minutes. She didn't like me suck on her tits or anything and she didn't even take off her thong. She asked me if I wanted to go to the champagne room for $250 and said we can have some real fun. I declined and gave her $30 and went back to join my friends. After a few more drinks, a hot latina girl came to our table and sat on my friends lap. She was trying to get him to pay for a private dance, but he was so wasted. I told her I wanted one and we went back to the same lapdance room. This dance was better because she let me motorboat her. lol. But, again, nothing really happened. I paid her $30 and went back to join my friends. We're getting ready to leave after another round of drinks. I decided I would get one more lap dance and probably never come to a strip club for years as I thought it was a waste of money so far. I see a very thick latina girl on stage. Her ass is so big. She goes around the stage so people nearby can throw money. I approach her and tell her I wanted a lap dance. After she gets off stage, she disappears for a few minutes. I thought she forgot about me and probably went to join another table, but she didn't and came to our table and we went straight into the back. We pick a spot in the back of the lapdance room, away from other people. When the song starts, she pulls off her g-string. Okay. Major improvement over the other 2 girls. She told me she's puerto rican and only worked at the club for 1 month. She shoves her pussy near my face, and I still don't know why I did it to this day, but I started eating her out. After a few minutes of eating her and fingering her, she said she wanted to return the favor. She takes my dick out and starts blowing me. Like holy shit. Is this really happening? Oh shit, how many guys did she do this to already?!! I didn't care. I was in the moment and this was the best lap dance ever. I cummed midway thru the second song. Afterwards we talked, she said 3 songs have passed and if I wanted another lapdance. I already cummed so I didn't see the point. I owed her $75, I gave her $100.

Luckily I didn't catch anything. I went back to that same stripclub 2 months later, but I never see her again. I still think about her to this day and wonder where she is.
Click to expand...

I bet, sometimes, she thinks of you.
 
P

PeskyToaster

Member
Teemo said:
A few years back, a group of friends and I went to the strip club after playing poker for a few hours. It was a Saturday night and place was packed. I was tipsy already. I think I told myself I was only going to spend $150 to $200 on drinks and lapdances. There was a lot of strippers standing around-texting, smoking, talking with other strippers. I saw a hot blonde with huge boobs and asked for a lapdance. It was $25 and all she did was grind on me for like 2-3 minutes. She didn't like me suck on her tits or anything and she didn't even take off her thong. She asked me if I wanted to go to the champagne room for $250 and said we can have some real fun. I declined and gave her $30 and went back to join my friends. After a few more drinks, a hot latina girl came to our table and sat on my friends lap. She was trying to get him to pay for a private dance, but he was so wasted. I told her I wanted one and we went back to the same lapdance room. This dance was better because she let me motorboat her. lol. But, again, nothing really happened. I paid her $30 and went back to join my friends. We're getting ready to leave after another round of drinks. I decided I would get one more lap dance and probably never come to a strip club for years as I thought it was a waste of money so far. I see a very thick latina girl on stage. Her ass is so big. She goes around the stage so people nearby can throw money. I approach her and tell her I wanted a lap dance. After she gets off stage, she disappears for a few minutes. I thought she forgot about me and probably went to join another table, but she didn't and came to our table and we went straight into the back. We pick a spot in the back of the lapdance room, away from other people. When the song starts, she pulls off her g-string. Okay. Major improvement over the other 2 girls. She told me she's puerto rican and only worked at the club for 1 month. She shoves her pussy near my face, and I still don't know why I did it to this day, but I started eating her out. After a few minutes of eating her and fingering her, she said she wanted to return the favor. She takes my dick out and starts blowing me. Like holy shit. Is this really happening? Oh shit, how many guys did she do this to already?!! I didn't care. I was in the moment and this was the best lap dance ever. I cummed midway thru the second song. Afterwards we talked, she said 3 songs have passed and if I wanted another lapdance. I already cummed so I didn't see the point. I owed her $75, I gave her $100.

Luckily I didn't catch anything. I went back to that same stripclub 2 months later, but I never see her again. I still think about her to this day and wonder where she is.
Click to expand...

Captain Teemo off duty
 
H

Hasphat'sAnts

Member
Teemo said:
A few years back, a group of friends and I went to the strip club after playing poker for a few hours. It was a Saturday night and place was packed. I was tipsy already. I think I told myself I was only going to spend $150 to $200 on drinks and lapdances. There was a lot of strippers standing around-texting, smoking, talking with other strippers. I saw a hot blonde with huge boobs and asked for a lapdance. It was $25 and all she did was grind on me for like 2-3 minutes. She didn't like me suck on her tits or anything and she didn't even take off her thong. She asked me if I wanted to go to the champagne room for $250 and said we can have some real fun. I declined and gave her $30 and went back to join my friends. After a few more drinks, a hot latina girl came to our table and sat on my friends lap. She was trying to get him to pay for a private dance, but he was so wasted. I told her I wanted one and we went back to the same lapdance room. This dance was better because she let me motorboat her. lol. But, again, nothing really happened. I paid her $30 and went back to join my friends. We're getting ready to leave after another round of drinks. I decided I would get one more lap dance and probably never come to a strip club for years as I thought it was a waste of money so far. I see a very thick latina girl on stage. Her ass is so big. She goes around the stage so people nearby can throw money. I approach her and tell her I wanted a lap dance. After she gets off stage, she disappears for a few minutes. I thought she forgot about me and probably went to join another table, but she didn't and came to our table and we went straight into the back. We pick a spot in the back of the lapdance room, away from other people. When the song starts, she pulls off her g-string. Okay. Major improvement over the other 2 girls. She told me she's puerto rican and only worked at the club for 1 month. She shoves her pussy near my face, and I still don't know why I did it to this day, but I started eating her out. After a few minutes of eating her and fingering her, she said she wanted to return the favor. She takes my dick out and starts blowing me. Like holy shit. Is this really happening? Oh shit, how many guys did she do this to already?!! I didn't care. I was in the moment and this was the best lap dance ever. I cummed midway thru the second song. Afterwards we talked, she said 3 songs have passed and if I wanted another lapdance. I already cummed so I didn't see the point. I owed her $75, I gave her $100.

Luckily I didn't catch anything. I went back to that same stripclub 2 months later, but I never see her again. I still think about her to this day and wonder where she is.
Click to expand...

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