Will the Thrill
Banned
It's happened multiple times now, I even asked one and they said how far away I was went up too (And to my knowledge I have not gone 20 miles away from my house recently
) Just annoying, oh well.
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Dating-Age |OT5| Halp me pls. In the bathroom.
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It's happened multiple times now, I even asked one and they said how far away I was went up too (And to my knowledge I have not gone 20 miles away from my house recently
) Just annoying, oh well.
I think I got blocked on whatsapp? Feels bad man.
I asked; through a voice mail (that's how we talk) why she messaged me at 1 am the other day (how we made contact) because I was curious.
She told me she thought my profile was interesting and then asked me the same question : I said quite frankly "I was super tired and thought it would be an interesting challenge to undertake, talk to someone I barely know late at night like that".
I think she must have disliked the challenge part because she doesn't receive my messages anymore and a bunch of other features is disabled in the conversation.
I send her a sms the normal way to make sure, she hasn't answered, oh well.
I find that super weird, is what I said so insulting?
edit; it's funny because I agonize over every little thing I say and do usually, and this, which I thought was a totally innocuous thing to say, caused someone to block me from their life. I guess there's a lesson in there somewhere.
I asked; through a voice mail (that's how we talk) why she messaged me at 1 am the other day (how we made contact) because I was curious.
She told me she thought my profile was interesting and then asked me the same question : I said quite frankly "I was super tired and thought it would be an interesting challenge to undertake, talk to someone I barely know late at night like that".
I think she must have disliked the challenge part because she doesn't receive my messages anymore and a bunch of other features is disabled in the conversation.
I send her a sms the normal way to make sure, she hasn't answered, oh well.
I find that super weird, is what I said so insulting?
edit; it's funny because I agonize over every little thing I say and do usually, and this, which I thought was a totally innocuous thing to say, caused someone to block me from their life. I guess there's a lesson in there somewhere.
Your answer wasn't about her. You could "talk to someone I barely know late at night like that" with literally anyone. It ends up reading like she wants to talk to you, specifically you (because you're interesting), while you'd be up for chatting with a moose with a wifi connection if he were up at 3AM.
Messofanego
Banned
"It was just a prank, bro!"
But I'm right right? It's just an online profile, it's nothing. You can't make a good appreciation of someone with so little. I'm flabbergasted people think my online profile is interesting lol, I always thought they liked the long hair look.
Someone talk to me online, unless they're ugly as hell or really annoying, I talk to them, that's reason enough.
Then I get to know them. I guess I need to avoid asking stupid questions now.
Hell I do this for most girls, I talk mostly with those who look at my profile, like me or message me first. I do send messages first sometimes (rarely works though).
And I'd totally talk to a moose at anytime lol
I'm not going to lie, the girl seemed nice but I'm not going to cut my wrists over it. Just feels weird, like I did something wrong, but I don't think I did anything wrong..
War Peaceman
You're a big guy.
From your side of the story, I don't think you did anything bad or offensive. Maybe you came across as weird or boring or she was just in a bad mood? I wouldn't worry about it. You didn't say anything disrespectful.
Heckler456
Banned
Hey, so, this is probably a nut too tough to crack for this thread, but I think I'll post it here just in case someone's able to offer some sage advice. Because I really need it.
I'm 26. Terrible childhood and youth, social anxiety, never had a girlfriend, the works. I'm going back to college this September. How do I work myself up to become a dateable person? And how would dating even work in that context, what with my age at all? If I give myself a year to get my shit together, (let's forget about the sheer lack of experience, because that'd be too depressing) I'll be 27 surrounded by a large swath of 19 year olds and perhaps a few outliers like myself. Will I even be able to reap the benefits of being at college, seeing as that's supposed to be on of the most viable places to find a partner?
Also, in the grand scheme of things, given my lack of experience, am I fucked in terms of finding someone I'd actually enjoy being with?
Thanks in advance.
I'm 26. Terrible childhood and youth, social anxiety, never had a girlfriend, the works. I'm going back to college this September. How do I work myself up to become a dateable person? And how would dating even work in that context, what with my age at all? If I give myself a year to get my shit together, (let's forget about the sheer lack of experience, because that'd be too depressing) I'll be 27 surrounded by a large swath of 19 year olds and perhaps a few outliers like myself. Will I even be able to reap the benefits of being at college, seeing as that's supposed to be on of the most viable places to find a partner?
Also, in the grand scheme of things, given my lack of experience, am I fucked in terms of finding someone I'd actually enjoy being with?
Thanks in advance.
william_557
Member
I'm in a similar situation i'm going out with this girl on tuesday very beautiful but i'm also awesome i think
Banjo-Kazooie
Member
I don't understand this.
Why would you ask someone why they contacted you at 1am? Like, what do my hope to gain by asking that?
It just comes off as weird to me.
Also the whole it being a "challenge" talking to someone late at night is also odd. How old are you? Why is it such a weird idea to you that people can talk to you late at night? Like there's some cut off time where anything after x time is not appropriate? I'm typing this to you at 10:45PM, would that make what I'm saying any more or less meaningful if it was at 5PM?
peanutbutterlatte
Member
Young girls hate dating older guys. There's never been a 19 year old that found the idea of dating a 27 year old attractive ever.
Dripping sarcasm. Be mature. You'll offer a great alternative to the everyman fratboy trying to get sex.
I don't know, I thought it would be a funny question, I guess I was curious about why someone would want to talk to me :shrugs:
The challenge was more than I was tired as hell and didn't really care what I was doing, could I entice someone in that state of mind. I guess yes? until I fuck up lol.
Just when I think I've reached the bottom, I keep on digging, I really outdid myself on that one
Lone_Prodigy
Member
Never too late to date. Be happy with yourself and then share that happiness with someone.
peanutbutterlatte
Member
Okay so she texted back! Id said it was lovely to meet her and thanks for making the journey to see me.
Her: "No problem, definitely worth it for some good conversation!"
I replied with:
"Same here, you'll have to return the favour and show me around (her hometown) soon X"
Without over-analysing, that's a good method of floating a second date right?
Her: "No problem, definitely worth it for some good conversation!"
I replied with:
"Same here, you'll have to return the favour and show me around (her hometown) soon X"
Without over-analysing, that's a good method of floating a second date right?
waveuponwave
Member
It didn't hurt to try, we're dating
Took some years of sorting out a pile of personal issues, but I guess my neckbeard days of complaining about always ending up as friends are gone
And all my panicking about never having had a gf at 24 seems so trivial now, feels like lack of experience just makes this even more exciting cause it's all new for me
The last evenings ended with us making out in the kitchen for minutes like horny teenagers. Life is good
Your problem in a nutshell.
peanutbutterlatte
Member
Wow man, coming from someone with self-confidence issues in the past, you have self-confidence issues in the present.
ZackieChan
Member
It didn't hurt to try, we're dating
Took some years of sorting out a pile of personal issues, but I guess my neckbeard days of complaining about always ending up as friends are gone
And all my panicking about never having had a gf at 24 seems so trivial now, feels like lack of experience just makes this even more exciting cause it's all new for me
The last evenings ended with us making out in the kitchen for minutes like horny teenagers. Life is good
Entire minutes?
J/K. Congrats. Sounds like you're happy and things are going well! Keep it up.
Your original messages were kind of weird and off-putting. Why not just ask how she's doing, what's up, etc.? Don't get cute or clever. If not done well, it gives off a creepy vibe.
And why are you messaging people you're not attracted to all the time? If you don't want to pursue something, just ignore.
Roberto Larcos
Member
It's alright, but I always aim to be more definite. If you want to go on another date with her, ask her - have a place and a day in mind. If she says no, she says no - but at least you know.
That said, I might just be cynical. Had a couple girls lead me on to absolutely nothing recently.
peanutbutterlatte
Member
Yeah I just don't want to appear TOO eager (I know there's a danger of going the other way). I'm going to see if she replies to this latest message, then suggest the idea of finding a gin bar in her city next weekend.
And as for the bolded, yeah had a load lose interest after some interesting conversations. A shame, but just part of it all I suppose.
KING OF UGUU
Banned
I've made a few posts here. I'm 31 and a virgin. I am successful professionally, not fat, not unattractive, work out 5 times a week, dress nice, and I have a lot of friends. I'm trying to turn it around.
It's been miserable so far. I figured maybe it was due to a lack of initiative on my part but most women I've talked to are unfriendly. They make it clear that I'm wasting their time and that they're just tolerating me to the extent that they can find a way to get out of the conversation (being a manager, it's part of the job to get a read on other people and the best luck I've had so far is polite tolerance).
I started going to therapy a few weeks ago and needless to say there's been no progress. Honestly I was 10x happier just living my life without trying to meet women. It's something I've found to be unpleasant. I just don't care anymore.
It's been miserable so far. I figured maybe it was due to a lack of initiative on my part but most women I've talked to are unfriendly. They make it clear that I'm wasting their time and that they're just tolerating me to the extent that they can find a way to get out of the conversation (being a manager, it's part of the job to get a read on other people and the best luck I've had so far is polite tolerance).
I started going to therapy a few weeks ago and needless to say there's been no progress. Honestly I was 10x happier just living my life without trying to meet women. It's something I've found to be unpleasant. I just don't care anymore.
Messofanego
Banned
That's pretty MGTOW, good for you I guess?
Heckler456
Banned
Could you go into more detail? Like, how many women have you actually genuinely tried pursuing? And what is it that you're saying that makes them seem as if they're bar none unfriendly towards you? Are you sure you're not coming across as needy? From what I gather, finding a partner is one of those things that works best when you're "not actively looking for the sake of looking", so to speak. Which is to say that I believe you should be there because you think it's fun to be there, which in turn might rub off on the person you're actually there with. I could be wrong in that regard, seeing as I have no experience myself, but I'm sure there's someone here who could correct me.
You might just be projecting insecurities, or your insecurities might be influencing your behaviour to the point you're too anxious which causes discomfort in social exchanges, etc...
Speak with your friends and ask them? If they know you well enough they might be able to offer some insight.
So, I went out with a girl from Tinder Friday night and I felt like she catfished me (I never thought I would see the day where I would say this lol). Unfortunately, was not attracted to her at all. That did not sour my night however as I still wanted to enjoy myself. So we played a little "water" pong and threw some darts for a while (I had fun doing both). Then we hit up the dance floor (the DJ was killing it so the dance floor was irresistible lol) and danced with each other for a while (no grinding but face to face).
We decided to leave and grab a bite to eat before parting ways. As I was walking out, I spotted a former coworker of mine with her friend. This was a girl who I used to be flirty with but backed off because I had a girlfriend at the time. We hugged twice and I mentioned to her that we should reconnect soon. I made sure her number was still the same (it was) and then I left. That was the highlight of my night honestly lol. The rest of the night was pretty uneventful as the girl and I went to Waffle House. As we parted ways, I gave her a hug but did not mention a second date.
I'm about to have lunch with another girl this afternoon. We'll see how that goes.
We decided to leave and grab a bite to eat before parting ways. As I was walking out, I spotted a former coworker of mine with her friend. This was a girl who I used to be flirty with but backed off because I had a girlfriend at the time. We hugged twice and I mentioned to her that we should reconnect soon. I made sure her number was still the same (it was) and then I left. That was the highlight of my night honestly lol. The rest of the night was pretty uneventful as the girl and I went to Waffle House. As we parted ways, I gave her a hug but did not mention a second date.
I'm about to have lunch with another girl this afternoon. We'll see how that goes.
Mr Solo Dolo
Member
Going back to the norm after a break up sucks so much. Broke up on Friday and this weekend has dragged so much
Blitzrules240
Banned
Not feeling confident about tonight. It might be all the cancellations but then again, after I ignored her a few days, she texted me and we made plans for tonight. So should I just wait for her to hit me up or put out a feeler like by 7 PM or something? Trying not to be needy and it worked so far.
Roberto Larcos
Member
Have you tried online dating? At least ten you know that the girls you're talking to are interested in that sort of thing, and honestly, your story is pretty impressive - tell it!
Try not to get your head down - night is darkest before the dawn and all that. The work will pay off in time.
peanutbutterlatte
Member
Yeah I need to go the other way really, I've never done anything BUT online date or friend of a friend; never gone out on a night and met somebody.
Trying to work up to that, but I do think you need to be a particular kind of person.
Reznor
Member
I hope this doesn't come off as overly harsh, but I have to be honest with you. Your understanding of women is beyond lacking. Don't get me wrong, you're far from a lost cause; however, it's becoming pretty clear that you need more guidance than this thread can provide.
Although I'm sure this thread has been useful to you in some respects, you're getting nuggets of information in bits and pieces (from several different posters, no less) that aren't in the right kind of order that would really help you. I think that's the reason why you might be running into the same brick walls, when it comes to your thoughts, feelings, confusion and choices. You're essentially trying to build a house on sand right now.
To prevent any further fumbling, what I think you need is a dedicated resource of guidance and/or coaching. Perhaps it's a good book, a YouTube series, or even a seminar -- something that will give you a more comprehensive look into how women function, what women look for, what they don't, and how you can refine yourself in a way that fosters results without becoming someone you're not at your core. I stress that because I get the sense that you're a good dude, and I'm sure others who've followed your activity in this thread would agree. You just need a better foundation of understanding, not a brain transplant.
It's one thing to want to date and want a relationship, but it's another thing to be ready to date and be ready for relationships. And right now, the latter is the unequivocal gap in your gangsta. It might feel daunting or even depressing to read that, but trust me when I say that you're fully capable of being truly ready. It just comes down to you making a firm decision as to whether you're willing to put in the extra effort.
Again, not to sound harsh, but as it currently stands, I feel like your only chance to find success in your current state of knowledge and know-how could be dumb luck with someone that's either equally inexperienced or extremely impressionable. And truth be told, that's the long road. So, you have to make a deeper investment into this, man.
If you'd like any ideas as to what material you should look for, I'm sure there's people in this thread that can help.
peanutbutterlatte
Member
Should be in the OT in bold underlined. Reznor quickly becoming the Slayven of Dating GAF haha
ZackieChan
Member
Is "gap in your gangsta" the result of autocorrect? Because that really needs to catch on.
Modern Romance by Aziz Ansari
Models by Mark Manson
How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie
Those are the three books that get recommended the most in this thread.
Gotdatmoney
Member
If you aren't having success in the dating game without the "lame books sucking away the magic" maybe you need to try something different? If you were having lots of success doing it your way I don't think you would need help in this thread right? Be open to trying something new and it may surprise you. Also, if you are asking question in this thread and being advised on dating, your situation is literally no different than just reading a book.
I don't really need dating help but Modern Romance seems like a good read regardless. Nothing wrong with getting fresh outlooks on topics.
Going back to the norm after a break up sucks so much. Broke up on Friday and this weekend has dragged so much
Damn, that sucks. Do you want to talk about how the break-up happened?
Send out a confirmation text to confirm that the plans are still in motion. If you don't receive a response in a reasonable time frame, make other plans. If you do receive a response confirming that she's still meeting you, try to have some fun tonight regardless of how the date goes.
Update on my lunch date this afternoon: it went really well. We went out to eat at this Japanese restaurant and then we went to a big park in downtown Atlanta. We were joking with each other and it never felt awkward. We drove her car to the park so when we came back to the lot where I parked my car, we both got out and hugged each other. There was a "kiss" pause but I really want sure so I didn't go for it. She texted me that she had a good time and we plan on meeting up for ice cream later on this week. I also figured out that she lives really close to me so we'll definitely have to meet up somewhere closer next time.
War Peaceman
You're a big guy.
The magic of sending a voicemail asking why someone messaged you at 1am?
Modern Romance is good because it uses independent research to better spread empathy and understanding of modern romantic practice. It isn't about strategies or how to make yourself more able to seal the deal in the first ten minutes. It is about understanding the norms and attitudes and so forth.
HTWFAIP is less about romance and more about human interaction. That's the best approach in my view, learn to talk to people and that will take you very far in life.
Blitzrules240
Banned
And she moved it to Tuesday for another Trivia night outing. This isn't technically getting ghosted, right? Because I've met her once but goddamn she lacks ambition when it comes to this.
I REALLY need to stop putting ALL the effort into Online Dating.
Luckily I have some other matches, finally got a Coffee Meets Bagel match for the first time in a long time. And some Tinder matches but yeah, might need to find another date.
I REALLY need to stop putting ALL the effort into Online Dating.
Luckily I have some other matches, finally got a Coffee Meets Bagel match for the first time in a long time. And some Tinder matches but yeah, might need to find another date.
Pasta_Soup
Member
I'd suggest sharing some more information with us so we can actually give you advice. How are they unfriendly? How are you approaching them? Where are you approaching them? Are you trying online dating?
It's been stated in this thread countless times - if you hold a defeatist, frustrated attitude like we can sense from this post, it always shines through in your interactions with people day to day. And that kind of attitude is something that people, both men and women, want no part of.
You've only been seeing your therapist for a few weeks. Give it some time. And make sure you're putting in the necessary work on your end to make real progress. If you didn't care anymore, you wouldn't be venting here about your frustration.
Not sure how reading some great books on how to improve your social awareness and understanding - both in communicating with every day people and potential dates - is somehow destroying the romantic aspect of dating. How magical is repeatedly getting nowhere with the women you talk to because you have no idea what you're doing?
You know what would be "magical"? Actually going on a date with a fantastic woman and having a great time.
These books aren't just outlining a soulless, mechanical process you mindlessly follow in an attempt to get laid. They go in depth and explain a multitude of aspects in interacting with all types of people, and how to shift your beliefs and practices so you can live life as a confident, attractive, successful, fun person.
Hasn't this chick flaked on your multiple times? I'd forget her and move on. She's wasting your time.
Would you ever cancel on someone you're interested in repeatedly like this? I doubt it. So why are you tolerating this from her? Why waste energy on someone who won't commit a couple of hours to see you?
Reznor
Member
Dude, seriously? Are you retaining any of the tips you've been getting? You're still displaying the exact same mentality that myself and a few other members addressed pages ago. My goodness, man. We're all about giving advice, but not when it keeps going in one ear and out the other.
Blitzrules240
Banned
Yeah, she has and it's bothered me. Reason why I'm looking for another date. Still, I like her enough to still hang out with her when possible, I just need to stop caring.
I'm gonna give my number to the CMB match tomorrow and see what happens.
I guess I could use that friendship thread as well.
I know sorry, don't speculate or extrapolate on stuff, they have lives and I shouldn't agonize about how they reply, plan, think stuff etc...
I half excited half stressed out about the prospect of going on a date, I really want it to happen.
You're putting too much stock on this one event. You know how people get so hyped for a game that there's no way it would meet their expectations and end up disappointed no matter how great it is? This is what you're doing. Don't set yourself up for disappointment. Be excited to have a good time, but don't hinge on this date like it's this or nothing--make sure to still talk to others and so forth.
Oh yeah I was talking with two other girls (one I became steam friends with) tonight. that's why I wasn't devastated by the other girl blocking me yesterday.
I did talk to a friend about it, but beyond the shock of someone doing this to me, I didn't feel sad or anything.
Is anyone familiar with snapchat here?
I did talk to a friend about it, but beyond the shock of someone doing this to me, I didn't feel sad or anything.
Is anyone familiar with snapchat here?
ZackieChan
Member
I've never become Steam friends with anyone I'm romantically interested in.
Yes, people know about Snapchat. Is there an actual question? It should be the least of your worries right now.
Yes, people know about Snapchat. Is there an actual question? It should be the least of your worries right now.
I added a girl on NDS friend code thing back in college. Was using nintendogs to hit on her initially. Let's just say I didn't succeed with that girl. But maybe steam is different.
Heckler456
Banned
So, the thing about these types of books (I'll lump them in with self-help books)... Are they meant to be revelatory experiences, or more like "hey, here are some guidelines and personal experiences, but really, 85% is still you going on dates/meeting people/whatever and failing a ton until you get better? I guess what I'm asking is, how well do these books ACTUALLY prepare you, especially the Carnegie one.
ZackieChan
Member
First thing to do is make sure she's not in the "Boycott Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2" hypocrite image.
HTWFAIP gives you techniques (albeit written a long time ago, but easily adapted) to actually connect with people better and make them like you.
Models is about shifting your mindset to one that is proper for dating. It's like Pickup Artist dogma but without the horrible rapey stuff. I've only just started Modern Romance, so I can't say for sure. But that's more about the logistics of modern dating.
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