ZackieChan
Member
Sorry for the double post, but here's an excerpt from Modern Romance that I just read. Pay attention Kurtofan - this speaks directly to you.
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Dating-Age |OT5| Halp me pls. In the bathroom.
- Thread starter Septimius
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peanutbutterlatte
Member
Damn I'm not the biggest Aziz fan but I might need that book.
May end things with a girl after three dates because of Furries, of all things.
To explain, Pittsburgh is home to the largest furry convention in the world. Makes it a common conversation topic around this time of year. I had mentioned I went downtown to watch the furry parade, and she made is clear she did not approve of them. Clear revulsion and at one point kink-shaming. I am not a furry, but far as I can tell they're nice, friendly people just having fun. And whatever two (or more) consenting adults do in the bedroom is none of my business.
It's not like she was a "fuck yes" to begin with...
To explain, Pittsburgh is home to the largest furry convention in the world. Makes it a common conversation topic around this time of year. I had mentioned I went downtown to watch the furry parade, and she made is clear she did not approve of them. Clear revulsion and at one point kink-shaming. I am not a furry, but far as I can tell they're nice, friendly people just having fun. And whatever two (or more) consenting adults do in the bedroom is none of my business.
It's not like she was a "fuck yes" to begin with...
ZackieChan
Member
I'll be near Pittsburgh too and also dislike furries. Give me her number 
ZackieChan
Member
Feel free to pass along the sister's contact info
What aren't you telling us? You sound great. If I was into guys I'd definitely be interested... Which means there is a giant But... A HUGE RED FLAG somewhere that is effecting your dating life that you don't seem to be aware of.
Dating can be hard, but it's only impossible when you keep repeating the same mistakes. Try asking yourself a few simple questions- then tell us the answers so we can help.
What do you hope to achieve out of dating: is it just about sex? Regular dating? Something long term?
Where do you meet women, At the Gym, Online, at work,
Do you have a type: aka do you always go for the same type of girl (who isn't interested)
What are you passionate about?
Do you dress so nice that people think you are gay?
Do women actively say they don't want to talk to you/have to go or are you just reading into it?
Do you have any female friends? And if so what do they think? Can they set you up with someone.
Your GAF Wingmen and Women are here to help when you are ready to keep dating
Well.. I can see her point, but still fuck her.
Gotdatmoney
Member
Not gonna lie. I wouldn't let Furries be the hill that you die on with a girl. It's one of those things I don't think the vast majority of people in general are on the "fuck yeah that's awesome" side of the debate. It's certainly a w/e you do you thing in my opinion but I don't know many who really take that approach as opposed to just finding it weird as fuck.
Was she being extremely rude and unreasonsble? I dunno, even if she wasn't perfect I wouldn't really use Furries as my gauge of anything.
I'll be near Pittsburgh too and also dislike furries. Give me her number
But you are older than dirt, and we all know girls hate older guys 😌
Honestly, unless someone makes a reasonable argument for not respecting this kind of lifestyle and resorts to ignorant and blunt shaming, I think that's pretty telling of other aspects of their personality.
Of course, it's worth having a conversation about, but it remains blunt without reason I'd consider it a good sign to let it go.
It's not about furries specifically, it's about having respect for the lifestyle choices of other people.
this is so me holy shit
I guess my idea of love is someone loving me so much they're willing to overcome my flaws, if it makes sense. but I realize it's not really the idea of dating. ^^
I'm of course willing to be better at communication, and yeah dorky caucasian is me incarnate, I don't know why but I ramble on, maybe it's a confidence thing, like I'm afraid I won't get my point across?
It really reminded of a text I sent actually to that girl who ghosted me a long time ago :
she has an Arabic name, and in my second text to her I asked "am I spelling your name right by the way" I didn't mention this here back then cause I knew it would look terrible even for me ^^
That's my stance on it. They are having fun, their fun in no way negatively impacts me, so let them have fun. While I certainly don't intend on joining in, I'm not going to express any animosity towards them. And I'll never show disgust if I see one in an area they weren't supposed to be (according to her, any part of town >1 mile from the convention center).
The kink-shaming was also a huge turnoff. This wasn't related to furries specifically, just generalized pet-play. Again, I'm not into it, but I'm not going to think worse about people who are. After all, I'm sure we all get up to stuff in the bedroom that would disgust someone else, at some point or another.
There's cute dorky 'awkward' and there's creepy AWKWARD, a big difference being your awareness of it. If you can't tell them apart, do not go down that route
Zaraki_Kenpachi
Member
Sorry to be the bearer of bad news but if this is how you approach dating then you're going to be single for a long long time. It's a great sentiment and all but it's not realistic. I'm sure there's plenty of things we can both think of that if a person does it you wouldn't like them or love them. It's ok having flaws, refusing to ever work on your flaws even when you realize they're flaws that bother other people is not attractive. There's a huge difference in types of flaws people have, like I said I'm sure we can both come up with flaws that are deal breakers. Someone living you for you isn't an excuse to be lazy and never try to become better
I think I treat friendships and relationships too much like catching pokemon or maxing persona social links
Antone know a good way to break this?
What does this even mean?
Like in persona 3 and 4 you spend all this time with people building up your social links/relationship but then you hit lvl 10 and never hang out again. You catch that perfect pocket monster but just put it in your box because really, the hunt was the fun part.
Basically I get bored fast
I think I treat friendships and relationships too much like catching pokemon or maxing persona social links
Antone know a good way to break this?
Play less video games and go outside? Not trying to sound demeaning or something here. Relationships aren't dependent on RNGs or binary choices in the real world.
Oh.
Um... can you explain why you get bored fast? Are you talking mainly to people you don't have chemistry with? We can't help if you don't provide more information.
I think I know why. Therapy has been good at understanding the why, but doesn't really offer solutions.
It seems to be a blend of my ocd and asexuality, mixed with my need for acceptance.
I don't feel connections with people, but I really want to. I also want their acceptance. So my ocd focuses on a single person until I win them over (or not. I can cut losses) but once we get there, there is nothing else and I move onto the next human.
Like a black hole, a perfect storm of loneliness.
Some of the examples in this article are extreme but I think it would be a good read for some people in here in how women interpret shy/awkward behavior.
http://www.houstonpress.com/arts/you-re-not-awkward-with-women-you-re-just-creepy-8505416
Blitzrules240
Banned
Master of None is a good show about relationships/dating too imo.
Reznor
Member
I'm curious. How much clarification are you really getting from your therapy if you see dating as a glorified video game? If anything, that sort of highlights an ongoing lack of understanding. I'm trying to tread lightly here because I'm certainly not a licensed professional by any means, but I wonder if this video game correlation is a roundabout way for you to rationalize what you still don't yet understand about your dating habits.
It definitely sounds like acceptance is your life-fuel, so to speak. You seem to thrive on that rush of accomplishment that comes with your success in the dating landscape, but the key issue is that you're putting finish lines in places where they shouldn't be.
Consider this. What have you actually completed in a dating sense? You went out on dates, learned about one another, hooked up, evoked feelings from them... and then what? Doesn't it seem like there should be more to it than that? Moreover, as a person who thrives off of acceptance, do you really think those people accept who you are after essentially chewing them up and spitting them out when there was so much left to do?
My intent isn't to make you feel like shit; but at the same time, you also need to take some time to put yourself in the shoes of the people you date, and ask yourself how you would feel if you were inexplicably disposed of like that. In fact, that's what leads me to ask an important question that might get to the root of this issue.
Have you dealt with troubles in life where you were abandoned, alienated or rejected by someone you loved dearly? It doesn't even have to be in relationship terms. In general, actually. The reason why I'm asking is because there's times when people who've gone through traumatic rejections tend to redirect that feeling onto others -- almost as a way of assuming the same power and control to come and go as they please so that they don't have to be the recipient again.
Even if that isn't the case, here's the takeaway I'd still encourage you to consider. Your dating goals are far too limited, and there's absolutely no reason to build those glass ceilings for yourself when there's so many other accomplishments you can achieve.
When you reach that point where you think you've seen all there is to see, remind yourself that that's just the beginning. In reality, seeing all there is to see from someone that wants to be with you is actually just a precursor for bigger and better dating goals. Think fulfilling relationships, romantic adventures, sexual chemistry, living together someday, popping the question someday, or starting a family someday. In your current form, you'll never have the pleasure of getting to see haw far a winning formula can take you.
Getting from Point A to Point B is great, but don't just stop there. There's 26 letters in the alphabet.
Wow some of those quotes
chill bro
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
chill bro
Maybe this can help some of you guys feeling tremendous shyness and have difficulty putting yourself out there. I found these two videos on the Power of Vulnerability by Brene Brown to be very helpful. These videos are based on her book so it only contains a fraction of what the book covers. I echo what some others here have already said. Work on self improvement first and don't rely on getting a relationship or something to help yourself. Understand the true motivation behind your own actions and others' actions. Understand that more likely than not they can all just be a form of hiding oneself from feeling vulnerable.
20 mins TED talk
https://youtu.be/iCvmsMzlF7o
1 hour RSA talk
https://youtu.be/QMzBv35HbLk
20 mins TED talk
https://youtu.be/iCvmsMzlF7o
1 hour RSA talk
https://youtu.be/QMzBv35HbLk
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
The TED Talk alone was life-changing for me. The girl I was dating at the time, who ended up being very good for me, though we weren't good together, introduced me to her. Very good recommendation, and I agree with all of your sentiments.
I'll probably watch these when I get home. I'm so bad at approaching people even when the opportunity is slapping me in the face. Yesterday at work a cute girl kept looking over at me. When I looked back we both smiled. It happened a few times. Then she asks for help, I help her out, she says bye, I say bye, she turns to look at me again as she's leaving. She seemed to have wanted me to talk to her but of course I come off as uninterested. Similar stuff has happened at least two other times. Kicking myself after the fact is getting old.
ZackieChan
Member
You... called someone that has blocked you? Why? That's top tier creep status, unless I'm missing something.
Had a great date Friday. Cool Assistant Director. Totally hit it off and we just kind of jived. Meeting on Tuesday for a hike/eat. Good vibes.
Had a really good date last night. Grabbed drinks and then she invited me back to her spot and we went at it all night. Got a nice 4th brunch today. There's definitely something there. Kind of crazy and out of nowhere. She's cool as hell but in a tricky spot. She's coming over next weekend. I might be her rebound but we'll see.
Had a really good date last night. Grabbed drinks and then she invited me back to her spot and we went at it all night. Got a nice 4th brunch today. There's definitely something there. Kind of crazy and out of nowhere. She's cool as hell but in a tricky spot. She's coming over next weekend. I might be her rebound but we'll see.
william_557
Member
Hey guys so this girl and i are going for dinner tonight at my workplace (a pizzeria) i'm picking her up tonight I am 24 as is she and i haven't had any real dating experience and was just looking for advice/reassurance
Thanks
Thanks
Heckler456
Banned
Be wary of pizza shits.
That's all I got.
Good luck man! I don't really have anything to recommend, but just wanted to wish you luck.
And somehow he managed to get himself unblocked, haha
She's as nervous as you are.
Lone_Prodigy
Member
I wouldn't exactly call that an opportunity since you were at work.
Some guys have posted here from the other side ("I think this girl working at this place is interested") in which case our advice is either "she's working, she's just being nice" and/or "don't put her on the spot, subtly give her your number and let her contact you if she's interested".
In this case you're the one working, and expressing interest in a customer can be viewed as unprofessional. Where do you work? A restaurant, a grocery store, a Wal-Mart?
Yeah I thought of it that way for a bit. I work at a CVS. At the time it was pretty slow and I was just standing around greeting people and looking to see if anyone needed help.
...why did you call her?
Blitzrules240
Banned
Thought I was talking to a legit Tinder match until she asked me if I was Tinder certified and ignored some of my questions...goddamn bots.
I gotta get out of this funk.
I'm feeling less confident in recent weeks.
I gotta get out of this funk.
I'm feeling less confident in recent weeks.
Well, for the last month my friends have been trying to hook me up with an old friend from high school. We both had a thing for each other then, and we found we still do. Nothing happened really because I was told she wanted to get to know me again before we dated, because she'd been burned bad by a recent boyfriend.
We were just getting to the point where I thought we were going to start dating and then, Saturday night, she tells me she had unprotected sex with a guy 2 weeks ago and she's been feeling nauseous. She's going to take the test asap. If she's pregnant, she's keeping it even though the guy offered to pay for an abortion.
What the fuck. This girl and I have chemistry, she's one of the sweetest people I've ever met and seemed responsible and like she had her shit together. Even if she isn't pregnant, I feel like shit knowing that she knew she had me on the hook and went and fucked some dude anyways. I know I'm going to get blamed for not "making a move sooner", but come the fuck on. I can't keep getting fucked over like this.
We were just getting to the point where I thought we were going to start dating and then, Saturday night, she tells me she had unprotected sex with a guy 2 weeks ago and she's been feeling nauseous. She's going to take the test asap. If she's pregnant, she's keeping it even though the guy offered to pay for an abortion.
What the fuck. This girl and I have chemistry, she's one of the sweetest people I've ever met and seemed responsible and like she had her shit together. Even if she isn't pregnant, I feel like shit knowing that she knew she had me on the hook and went and fucked some dude anyways. I know I'm going to get blamed for not "making a move sooner", but come the fuck on. I can't keep getting fucked over like this.
ZackieChan
Member
You weren't dating, she's allowed to sleep with whomever she wants. If you have an issue with the unprotected sex, that's another thing entirely, but it sounds like you wanted her to stay pure until she was ready to date you. You should have been dating girls and having sex during that time, as well, in a perfect world.
You're the one fucking yourself over. You let her "have you on the hook." Stop doing that. Stop giving women that power over you.
You're having a first date at your workplace? Isn't there a better option? I feel like that would be weird.
Actually, I did this in high school, but it wasn't a first date. We had been going out for a while.
I didn't mean to make it sound like she should've "stayed pure". I know she can do whatever the fuck she wants. It's just that the way we had talked about it, we both knew where thing were going and knew how we were going to go about our relationship BEFORE she slept with this guy, and then she just goes and throws a wrench in it with this. I wasn't even the one who wanted to wait to start dating, she was. I know she had no obligation, but I wish she'd have told me when we were talking about us that she was going to go ahead and do that. And yes, it's more the unprotected part. If she just told me "hey, I slept with someone 2 weeks ago", this would all be fine.
You must think I'm a fucking idiot because you're always telling me the same shit and I can never make anything work.
william_557
Member
this pizeria is partly my dads (ownership wise) and when i mentioned i helped out there she said "i really like pizza" hence why i suggested dinner there
p.s. one of the other owners is working tonight, not my dad
ZackieChan
Member
Well, I'm thinking the "getting to know each other first" thing is because she had something else going on on the side, and wanted to see if it was worth dropping that for you. Not sure what the answer is. How do you feel about single mothers?
Anyway, keep tindering and asking girls out, man. Don't put it all on this one girl who is obviously not ready to commit to you.
youarealreadydad.gif
Good luck dude!
To be blunt, she wasn't promised to you. She can sleep with whomever she wants unless you two of you are in a serious relationship. You weren't. Obviously that meant you can sleep with whoever you wanted as well.
If you're not happy with what happened, then don't continue with her. Regardless of that fact, she doesn't have to tell you when she has sex with other people. Neither you or her owe each other anything at the moment.
Messofanego
Banned
Sorry for the double post, but here's an excerpt from Modern Romance that I just read. Pay attention Kurtofan - this speaks directly to you.
Speaking of Modern Romance, this is hilarious stuff (mentions the "texty" one):
First Textual Experience with Aziz Ansari
HORROR
HORROR!!
That's fair, thanks for putting me in my place on that. I guess I'm just frustrated with her being irresponsible about it. I know she knows better and I just wish she would've been safe.
stn
Member
So I had a date this weekend. Really hot girl, also very nice. Pleasant convo was had, she's from the same country as me. I carried 99% of the humor, though, not sure if she was more reserved in that area due to nervousness/jitters/whatever.
Thing is, I ended the date after 1.5 hours randomly by just making a lie that I was busy the rest of the night. Why? Part of me felt like she was just keeping up an appearance in order to avoid awkwardness, hence I felt like I was doing us both a favor by just ending the date early.
The convo felt too much like two regular friends chatting, y'know? I used some playful humor and gave her a chance to play along, but she didn't bite. I mean, she laughed and all but I'm not sure if she was just nervous or had a more reserved sense of humor?
She suggested at the end that "we should do this again" but I felt, for whatever reason, that she was just saying that. I haven't heard from her since and I have no intention of messaging her myself.
I guess I don't even have a question regarding all this. Feel free to post any random advice or ask me any questions if you're interested! Thanks in advance.
Thing is, I ended the date after 1.5 hours randomly by just making a lie that I was busy the rest of the night. Why? Part of me felt like she was just keeping up an appearance in order to avoid awkwardness, hence I felt like I was doing us both a favor by just ending the date early.
The convo felt too much like two regular friends chatting, y'know? I used some playful humor and gave her a chance to play along, but she didn't bite. I mean, she laughed and all but I'm not sure if she was just nervous or had a more reserved sense of humor?
She suggested at the end that "we should do this again" but I felt, for whatever reason, that she was just saying that. I haven't heard from her since and I have no intention of messaging her myself.
I guess I don't even have a question regarding all this. Feel free to post any random advice or ask me any questions if you're interested! Thanks in advance.
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