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[jdstorm]

Hey guys, I really needs some help with this. It's dating-adjacent, and I basically have nowhere else to go.

As I said earlier in this thread, I'm 26 years old and going back to college this year. The thing I left out is that I've also basically been a recluse from anyone but my family for the past 8 years, and even before that, I've missed out on quite a bit of social development in my youth thanks to a crippling case of social anxiety. I don't not function in social situations or anything like that, it's just that I'm still to this day wrecked with self-doubt and fears, along with not really have the learned skills or behaviors I believe necessary to build up any type of meaningful relationship, let alone a romantic one.

All of that as pretext to the question: How do I go about getting ready to be a dateable person? What steps do I undertake? Will I even be able to become a functional person in that regard anymore, given my history, let alone in any type of reasonable time frame (1-2 years)?

Also, I used to weigh 300 lbs as well (at 6'1''), and have lost about 70 pounds up until now. I have some amount of loose skin, and probably will still have some amount of loose skin even once I'm done building up some decent amount of muscle in a year to a year and a half. Does anyone have experience with dealing with this kind of stuff when dating? How terrible will my experience be thanks to this issue?

Oh and, like... How will I even be a person people will WANT to date given all of this history behind me? How do I even bounce back from this?

I know it sounds pathetic, but I genuinely hope that someone is able to give me some answers, because I don't have that many places to turn to anymore. I've had a terrible couple of weeks, and it's basically been all I've been able to think about.

Don't overthink it. I've been where you are (massively overweight, social recluse and going back to college/university asan older student). Book in with your schools counsellor Mental Health advice from a professional is far better then GAF.

Here are a few thoughts
- keep getting healthy, but the weight is a non issue for dating. It's all about how confident you are in yourself. I've had more dates at 230-250 pounds (I'm 6'1 too) then I ever did at when I was at 180lbs and had a 6pack, because I worked through my issues and was able to believe that someone would want to date me

- Social skills come from practise. In this case the amount of time you spend with others is what's important. the more time you spend socialising the easier it will get. Often times social anxiety is about how we view ourselves. Try something new, join a pre-existing group of people who encourage you, who make you feel welcome noquestions asked and who make you feel like your are the best version of yourself or who make you want to be a better version of yourself.

-3. You aren't ready for a relationship right now. But when you are. Be brave and upfront about your intentions. If you think someone is worth dating be brave and ask them out. All they can say is No. that no isn't any indication that you aren't dateable, that person just isn't interested. You wouldn't say that a highly rated film/game was bad just because one person didn't like it.

Lastly. Others will tell you not to date. They are wrong. Try online dating, talking to lots of people will help you develop better social skills. You will make lots of mistakes and it's much less akward via computer.

Start by writing a profile listing everything that is great about you. Define yourself by your present. You are _________ a _________ student at _________. Who people will like. That you were a recluse 6 months ago is irrelevant. No new person you meet now needs to know about your baggage.

Ps. Other Posters swear by the books Modern Romance by Aziz Azaria and Models by someone else. If you can stomach taking dating advice from Tom Haverford they are worth reading

edit. Like the above poster PM me if you want the full story

 

[Kurtofan]

So you're stringing along this girl because you like the attention even though "you're not interested"?

I think I'm interested, it's just it's a bit fast for me I guess... I really didn't expect that to happen.

I guess I can see how it goes, I mean it was just a first date, we have a second date tomorrow.

 

[SPCTRE]

Thanks for the reply. I'll definitely keep plugging along. Your advice of "life experience" is definitely something I've thought about, and in fact is one of the reasons why I'm so fearful of what the future holds, seeing as how I feel as if I should have racked up a whole bunch already.

Don't do that! I know it sounds trivial, like non-advice even, but seriously - doing stuff, "racking up" life experience is like quitting smoking - you can do it at any time, anywhere, and the benefits will always start manifesting immediately. It quite literally is never too late.

Go out there, create memories, make mistakes, all that good shit. Sometimes it can help to think "I might make an ass out of myself, but in that case it'll make for a great story" - you'll probably be pleasantly surprised how effortlessly you're able to become "interesting".

But I do suppose I have the choice between worrying about it and being in the same position next year, or stop worrying (which I don't know how) and just get out there and start doing it now.

That's the spirit!

 

[Kurtofan]

Is it normal that I kept thinking about my ex? I'm afraid I'm not over her.

 

[peanutbutterlatte]

Is it normal that I kept thinking about my ex? I'm afraid I'm not over her.

It's completely normal. Depends on how you deal with it. You'll miss certain aspects of your relationship for a while, just don't get bogged down and let it consume your new life.

I'd say I only completely got over my ex recently, and it's been a while.

 

[Jason's Ultimatum]

I don't quite understand why you're feeling insecure in this situation. Everything you're saying sounds pretty good to me. You seem to be having fun together, she seems to be sexually attracted to you but just isn't ready for sex yet. That's how it is for some people, so as long as waiting with sex isn't a problem to you then all is good.

You don't need to bring it up with her later, especially a specific situation like that. You stopped when she wanted to and that's that. And you don't need to stop being physical with her either.

Yeah I guess it's smart not to bring it up. I could end up saying something stupid. And waiting for sex won't be an issue. I think she's great, and like I said, I wouldn't jeopardize it.

 

[War Peaceman]

Is it normal that I kept thinking about my ex? I'm afraid I'm not over her.

You have an ex? Have you ever mentioned her?

 

[Kurtofan]

You have an ex? Have you ever mentioned her?

yup, my first posts here I was asking about what to do (she had sent me an email telling me she had fantasized about me)

I posted about her more after we broke up but I erased my posts out of shame lol

it's a long story

 

[gwailo]

So, if things don't work out here, at least I've made a HUGE step forward both in facing depression and fighting social anxiety. I'm not 100% sure how to move forward from here but this is first time I've been excited about meeting a girl in a long time.

Co-worker hosted a little kickback on Sunday, and I ended up meeting a girl there who I work with who also is new to Colorado and new to the job. I started out nervous as fuck when she walked in because I've seen her and thought she was cute at work, but I was already a couple beers deep so I just started talking to her right away. Fuck it right? A lot is fuzzy, but I know she was my BP partner, and we were having a blast and I'd kinda sit next to her and chat it up all night. We were pretty much talking for most of the night: favorite beer, how we like it out here, how quiet she seemed at work, etc. She even ended up wearing my hat for a little bit! Eventually I asked if she goes out often, she does twice a week with her brother and we said we should definitely go out together one day! We exchanged numbers, we exchanged Snapchat, and we went back to kicking it and chatting. Not sure if she's interested, because at the end of the night I was gonna couch surf it and she went home with a DD, but when I suggested she stay she said she didn't trust me. But she didn't really elaborate on it. Me and her were the most drunken at these kick back. And We both had work at 10 the next day tho, so I'm not really sure. I've talked to her at work since then and she still seems cool and has been laughing and making jokes but I haven't texted her or sent her a snap yet.

Talked to someone who was there today, and she totally knew I was into this girl. Think I'm going to tomorrow, send a snap of the beer that just so happened to be both our favorites (Sculpin Ballast Point for life), and just say what's up and we should get drinks. What's the worst that can happen?

But for the first time in a long time, I felt good. It felt right. And it was fun! And even if it doesn't work out, it was a huge confidence boost.

You probably scared her off by asking her to stay, which she probably interpreted as you wanting to have sex. Don't always take a woman having fun or light flirting with you as a sign that she wants to date or sleep with you. She was buzzed and having fun, that's all you know at this point, and even that might be clouded on your end by you being drunk as well.

A lot of people aren't into having romantic relationships at work and even if she is, she might not want something right away after starting a new job. Don't push too hard for a date or meetup. It can make things awkward (people are VERY gossipy at jobs) or even get you fired if things go too far in her eyes. If you're fine with being friends and NOTHING else that's cool, but I get the sense that you're already blowing this up into something more than it is or could be.

 

[Blitzrules240]

My point was that there's almost nothing happening in that post. The fact that you posted it makes me think you're putting way too much importance into someone that you haven't met yet and seemingly haven't even discussed a specific meeting with. When she's free? That's nothing. You should be having this level of conversation quite often if you're seeking dates. Like I said, it's the embryonic stage.

I just worry that you're overinvesting yourself at way too early a stage in a potential meetup.

I get what you're saying Zackie. I do believe I do get over invested. Case in point: the social worker. I guess I care too much? And shouldn't post every interaction I have with a woman in here.

I am just a mere Padawan.

 

[Messofanego]

In normal news, I had a great date with a girl I met on Tinder here on my short sojourn in Seoul. She is actually near my age and successful. Felt good. Sadly, I'm leaving for Tokyo tomorrow and then America, so I won't be back here in forever.

I just went out with her hoping we'd be friends and to have someone to talk and eat with, and I end up catching some feels.

Oh My God I Think I Like You

Let's not get carried away. Minimal feels, but it does get lonely on the road and sometimes I feel I'd enjoy an actual lengthy relationship for a change. Settling down for about 6 months later this year, so maybe I'll get my wish.

Still, I'm a stallion that can't be tamed. I pity the lady that tries to keep me fenced in.

Nothing can settle GAF's Clooney Until he stops moving around.

 

[ZackieChan]

I'll inquire about her lady parts.

 

[Lone_Prodigy]

Kurtofan's posts are making me cringe. At first it seemed harmless: he was just confused and inexperienced and needed help/advice. But now he's clingy, over-invested, resistant to criticism, and setting off red flags with his attitude. He really shouldn't be dating anyone if his personality is anything like his posts in this thread.

Isn't his "ex" some girl he slept with a couple times while she was seeing someone else, and he was wondering how to "get her back"? And didn't he also post about following and chatting up cute girls working at the mall? There's a serious disconnect between our advice and his actions.

(If I'm off base and offending anyone, I apologize.)

 

[gwailo]

No, you're right, his "girlfriend" was someone he cheated on with a couple of times. The fact that he considers this a girlfriend and is still thinking about her is creepy.

And then he was going up to random employees at a mall to try and learn how to talk to women. This is SUPER creepy.

Combined with the super clingy nature of his posts (calling someone after they block them to get closure) he seems super-obsessive and again FUCKING CREEPY.

He mentioned having friends in one post (which I think he deleted, again really sketchy behavior) but I doubt he has any.

Honestly, I'm done responding to him and I think others should do the same. He needs serious professional help. At the best end, he is feeding off of the attention (negative though it may be) and at the worst, he is giving off really bad vibes where someone (including himself) is going to get hurt.

 

[Jason's Ultimatum]

Well, it's over. She just texted me saying she had a good time, but feels we'd be better as friends. Everything I've said in the last post, I don't know what happened. Especially what happened on Monday night in bed when she initiated it first.

She just texted me saying I'm handsome and nice, but she doesn't feel the chemistry and I'm not the guy she's looking for.

I've done so well since the first girl back in December, and now I'm heart broken.

 

[n64coder]

I've done so well since the first girl back in December, and now I'm heart broken.

It's tough but you are doing well. You have been going on dates and having fun. Just keep it up and you will find someone to click with.

 

[gwailo]

Well, it's over. She just texted me saying she had a good time, but feels we'd be better as friends. Everything I've said in the last post, I don't know what happened. Especially what happened on Monday night in bed when she initiated it first.

She just texted me saying I'm handsome and nice, but she doesn't feel the chemistry and I'm not the guy she's looking for.

I've done so well since the first girl back in December, and now I'm heart broken.

Don't overanalyze it. I bolded the whole story. She doesn't feel any chemistry, specifically sexually -- hence the couple of awkward attempts at "sleeping" together. She was honest about things and didn't resort to ghosting, flaking, or being a drama queen. It sounds like (if you can put aside your romantic feelings) that she would be good to have as a friend. I think if you are around women outside of dating/relationships it will help you as a whole because you will be less nervous/anxious around them.

 

[gaiages]

Jason, you were doing quite well, but your entire OT thread about the break up makes it look like you're overanalyzing again. Stuff happens, and not always for reasons that make sense. It's sucks but you gotta keep on trucking and not pore over each detail

 

[Max]

Jason, you were doing quite well, but your entire OT thread about the break up makes it look like you're overanalyzing again. Stuff happens, and not always for reasons that make sense. It's sucks but you gotta keep on trucking and not pore over each detail

For Jason

No one in another thread is going to tell you anything different than here. I agree the act of using the forum is only letting you OVERANALYZE. Please acknowledge that if you haven't already. You're thinking about things toooooo hard, and writing it all down really isn't helping you.

I know it seems you're in a bad position, but don't give up, don't try too hard, don't overanalyze. Don't feel pressure because of your age. Do what makes you happy and don't stress about other people, especially women.

 

[Dylan Sexbang]

You probably scared her off by asking her to stay, which she probably interpreted as you wanting to have sex. Don't always take a woman having fun or light flirting with you as a sign that she wants to date or sleep with you. She was buzzed and having fun, that's all you know at this point, and even that might be clouded on your end by you being drunk as well.

A lot of people aren't into having romantic relationships at work and even if she is, she might not want something right away after starting a new job. Don't push too hard for a date or meetup. It can make things awkward (people are VERY gossipy at jobs) or even get you fired if things go too far in her eyes. If you're fine with being friends and NOTHING else that's cool, but I get the sense that you're already blowing this up into something more than it is or could be.

I'm cool with just being friends, I just felt good and exciting to actually you know, get along with a girl outside of my element. Personally, I was just having the time of my life- and if we do get drinks or something, I ain't gonna be aggressive. Just gonna go with the flow. Whatever happens happens.

It just felt like a step forward out of an introverted shell. I wasn't worried about being liked, or what people think about me, I was just playing BP, hanging out and having fun. Just so happened to leave with a number, and if anything comes of it that's just a plus, but I'm not counting on it.

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

Well, it's over. She just texted me saying she had a good time, but feels we'd be better as friends. Everything I've said in the last post, I don't know what happened. Especially what happened on Monday night in bed when she initiated it first.

She just texted me saying I'm handsome and nice, but she doesn't feel the chemistry and I'm not the guy she's looking for.

I've done so well since the first girl back in December, and now I'm heart broken.

You didn't do anything wrong. And I get the frantically looking around for explanations and reasons -- that's generally when you know shit's hit the fan, or you've got a gut feeling to that effect. But yeah, let me reiterate: you did nothing wrong. You had the normal consequence of dating, and believe me, this was most of my 2015: you meet someone objectively awesome and who thinks you're objectively awesome (on paper), but there's just something missing, whatever that something is.

You'll never know.

And frankly, you don't want to be with someone with whom you don't feel that something, and if she doesn't feel it, then you don't either, because you're not a creepy stalkery guy.

Since you never slept with her, I encourage you to consider being friends with her. Hell, one of my longest-running friends in the city is someone I went on 3 dates with and drunkenly make out with every NYE, but we've never slept together, and so it's never impacted our friendship.

Human interactions don't have logical components. But don't chase things; let them happen. (Then again, I'm 33, divorced, and don't succeed at relationships either -- but I do give decent advice.)

 

[Jokab]

Kurtofan's posts are making me cringe. At first it seemed harmless: he was just confused and inexperienced and needed help/advice. But now he's clingy, over-invested, resistant to criticism, and setting off red flags with his attitude. He really shouldn't be dating anyone if his personality is anything like his posts in this thread.

Isn't his "ex" some girl he slept with a couple times while she was seeing someone else, and he was wondering how to "get her back"? And didn't he also post about following and chatting up cute girls working at the mall? There's a serious disconnect between our advice and his actions.

(If I'm off base and offending anyone, I apologize.)

Why are you talking about Kurtofan like he is not reading your post? Quote him, talk directly to him. This post reads like you're talking to the rest of us of "the weirdo over there" when he's right in this thread.

I'd like to simultaneously address the regular posters in this thread who complain about the "people who have taken over this thread" that you all think are weird or something. I really dislike this way of speaking broadly. We all know who you are talking to, so talk to them. Don't do this passive thing where you're not addressing the specific posters. It's just bad form.

 

[Furyo]

I'm 30, just ended a 4 year + relationship. It was a zombified mess. I'm a depressed fuck, she couldn't handle it, and I couldn't handle the growing distance. Harsh words were spoken, tried to start it with civility but it was inevitable. Before it all comes crashing down, I just want to immortilise a couple of things: only Hitler managed to weaponise his spite against the viennese art academy to achieve some shit. Try to focus on the positives, the rest is all gravy.

 

[ZackieChan]

Why are you talking about Kurtofan like he is not reading your post? Quote him, talk directly to him. This post reads like you're talking to the rest of us of "the weirdo over there" when he's right in this thread.

I'd like to simultaneously address the regular posters in this thread who complain about the "people who have taken over this thread" that you all think are weird or something. I really dislike this way of speaking broadly. We all know who you are talking to, so talk to them. Don't do this passive thing where you're not addressing the specific posters. It's just bad form.

To be fair, multiple direct replies saying essentially the same thing were met with "I told you so," basically. That post was deleted, but someone quoted it first.

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

I'm 30, just ended a 4 year + relationship. It was a zombified mess. I'm a depressed fuck, she couldn't handle it, and I couldn't handle the growing distance. Harsh words were spoken, tried to start it with civility but it was inevitable. Before it all comes crashing down, I just want to immortilise a couple of things: only Hitler managed to weaponise his spite against the viennese art academy to achieve some shit. Try to focus on the positives, the rest is all gravy.

I didn't think we'd satisfy Godwin's Law until |OT6|.

 

[Salamando]

I'd like to simultaneously address the regular posters in this thread who complain about the "people who have taken over this thread" that you all think are weird or something. I really dislike this way of speaking broadly. We all know who you are talking to, so talk to them. Don't do this passive thing where you're not addressing the specific posters. It's just bad form.

I thought most of the problem is that we do address feedback directly to posters, they just refuse to listen. Trying to help someone who asks for it, yet is intent on their own path, is endlessly frustrating.

 

[gaiages]

To be fair, multiple direct replies saying essentially the same thing were met with "I told you so," basically. That post was deleted, but someone quoted it first.

Yeah, once it gets to that point, you kinda just... shrug. There's no helping anymore. It's like grapeman or whoever all over again.

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

Yeah, once it gets to that point, you kinda just... shrug. There's no helping anymore. It's like grapeman or whoever all over again.

To be honest, what it really comes down to is that some people really shouldn't be trying to date yet, and we witness the endless cycle of frustration. It's sort of like, in the companion thread, where some people drive-by post how no one has ever responded; there's really nothing discrete that we can really offer there.

 

[ZackieChan]

I thought most of the problem is that we do address feedback directly to posters, they just refuse to listen. Trying to help someone who asks for it, yet is intent on their own path, is endlessly frustrating.

The multitude of endlessly granular questions is also super frustrating. I think the fact that we give advice here makes people scared to make ANY moves sometimes. But they need to realize that it's trial and error - you won't get everything right all the time. And the major point is that if you make a dumb texting mistake that blows up the whole relationship, it wasn't that strong to begin with. Some things just aren't meant to be.

 

[demosthenes]

I had been dating a girl for like 4 months. Recently I started having feelings for my most immediate ex who I was pretty serious with and I couldn't throw these feelings off. I told the current girl that I needed a break because it didn't feel right so I broke it off today. Pissed about the old feelings, pissed I couldn't bury them and just want to turn my feelings off for a little while, fuck.

 

[FLAguy954]

Its an actual question, but I guess I should have expanded or started with the definition of creepy we are talking about.

Just makes me think how some personality types are accepted while others aren't and how to actually bridge that.

Don't do this. There was this thread a while back that was a graveyard because a ton of posters there were trying to I guess 'justify' unacceptable personality types. I hope that you aren't trying to do that here.

 

[Jason's Ultimatum]

No point in being friends. I deleted her from my phone.

Yeah, maybe I won't get a straight answer, but it seems like it's leading towards me not taking the initiative in the beginning when sleeping over at her place. When I finally do take the initiative, it was already too late when she said she wasn't ready.

It just makes me feel better to talk about this to you guys. I wish all of you lived close to me to hang out.

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

No point in being friends. I deleted her from my phone.

Yeah, maybe I won't get a straight answer, but it seems like it's leading towards me not taking the initiative in the beginning when sleeping over at her place. When I finally do take the initiative, it was already too late when she said she wasn't ready.

It just makes me feel better to talk about this to you guys. I wish all of you lived close to me to hang out.

Dude. Let's assume the following: let's assume she wanted you to act roughly and basically "take" her that first night. But your personality is, apparently, to be respectful with your partners, ensure that you have valid consent, and not rush anyone into something they might regret. Guess what? I'm the same way. It means you and I aren't compatible with women who want and need to be emotionally (not physically, there's a difference) dominated.

My last, last girlfriend? She was such a super sub that she needed the most extreme stuff. I didn't find out about that until a little ways in. Guess what? We weren't compatible, and we wished each other well, and that was that.

Remember this: One mistake isn't going to ruin a relationship that's going somewhere. Don't apologize for who you are. Don't try to change yourself into someone that you feel the girl you're currently pursuing will prefer. You're the kind of guy who wants affirmative consent from women? So fucking what? The person you're actually compatible with will appreciate the fuck (no pun intended) out of that.

 

[Oblivion]

Zackie, what do you do for work exactly? I see you traveling all over the place. Got me super curious.

 

[vern]

Zackie, what do you do for work exactly? I see you traveling all over the place. Got me super curious.

He eats poutine in various places and is a traveling snake oil salesman.

Spoiler

Also a vidyagame lawyer and dating guru.

jack of all trades really.

 

[ZackieChan]

Zackie, what do you do for work exactly? I see you traveling all over the place. Got me super curious.

I'm a video game/board game lawyer. I just run my practice completely virtually, so I can travel and live that nomadic life.

He eats poutine in various places and is a traveling snake oil salesman.

Spoiler

Also a vidyagame lawyer and dating guru.

jack of all trades really.

More like poon-tine, amirite?

 

[Oblivion]

I'm a video game/board game lawyer. I just run my practice completely virtually, so I can travel and live that nomadic life.



More like poon-tine, amirite?

You're living the gaffer dream, sir.

 

[ZackieChan]

You're living the gaffer dream, sir.

I have a firm belief that ANYONE can do what I do. You don't need to be a lawyer - that's overkill.

 

[Benzychenz]

So me and this girl work at different restaurants on the same street, and we often go into each others.

We're both friendly with each other, she seems happy to see me when I go into her place and I think there's a mutual attraction there (but it's obviously hard to tell for sure when it's her job to be happy and friendly).

I want to ask her for a date, but I don't know what the best way to do that is. Should I just visit her at work and straight up ask if she'd want to grab a coffee some time, and if she says yes grab her number to organise something?

Tinder/online dating seems to be a complete bust in my area. Just not enough people to pick from.

 

[vern]

I have a firm belief that ANYONE can do what I do. You don't need to be a lawyer - that's overkill.

I'm not a lawyer. And I don't even really have much of a job anymore. I still wander the earth as much as Neogafs zackiechan, and am arguably more successful with women. Just don't give as much solid advice in here, and have a better head of hair. So he's right, if we both can do it, anyone can.

 

[ZackieChan]

Being a white American helps though

 

[Nickdogmoneycash]

So I went on a 2nd date with this girl from work, we went to the Cheesecake factory. The conversation flowed pretty well, made her laugh a few times, the food was great, we both had a good time I think. I ended the night by dropping her off and we kissed for the first time. Everything was going exactly how I wanted it to go.

That date was last night. We texted for awhile today and she seemed disconnected and somewhat distant. Don't get me wrong, she's never been a fantastic texter, but today felt different.

During one of our text exchanges I asked if we could hang out again over the weekend and she replied with "My cousins are visiting all weekend so I might not be able to do anything". This coupled along with the distant texting has me paranoid that she doesn't like me anymore.

The fact that she kissed me tells me she's into me, but the bad communication the day afterwards has me nervous.

Guess there's nothing I can really do but wait it out and see if she wants a 3rd date. Just thought I'd keep you guys posted.

 

[Benzychenz]

So I went on a 2nd date with this girl from work, we went to the Cheesecake factory. The conversation flowed pretty well, made her laugh a few times, the food was great, we both had a good time I think. I ended the night by dropping her off and we kissed for the first time. Everything was going exactly how I wanted it to go.

That date was last night. We texted for awhile today and she seemed disconnected and somewhat distant. Don't get me wrong, she's never been a fantastic texter, but today felt different.

During one of our text exchanges I asked if we could hang out again over the weekend and she replied with "My cousins are visiting all weekend so I might not be able to do anything". This coupled along with the distant texting has me paranoid that she doesn't like me anymore.

The fact that she kissed me tells me she's into me, but the bad communication the day afterwards has me nervous.

Guess there's nothing I can really do but wait it out and see if she wants a 3rd date. Just thought I'd keep you guys posted.

Don't overthink it. She probably does have her cousins around so she can't just ditch them for you.

And she might not be wanting to seem too interested, she wants you to keep chasing.

 

[No Love]

So I went on a 2nd date with this girl from work, we went to the Cheesecake factory. The conversation flowed pretty well, made her laugh a few times, the food was great, we both had a good time I think. I ended the night by dropping her off and we kissed for the first time. Everything was going exactly how I wanted it to go.

That date was last night. We texted for awhile today and she seemed disconnected and somewhat distant. Don't get me wrong, she's never been a fantastic texter, but today felt different.

During one of our text exchanges I asked if we could hang out again over the weekend and she replied with "My cousins are visiting all weekend so I might not be able to do anything". This coupled along with the distant texting has me paranoid that she doesn't like me anymore.

The fact that she kissed me tells me she's into me, but the bad communication the day afterwards has me nervous.

Guess there's nothing I can really do but wait it out and see if she wants a 3rd date. Just thought I'd keep you guys posted.

Dude, leave her alone for a few days. Yes she likes you, so back off and stop hounding her lol. Trust me, patience is a virtue and distance is healthy and desired.

Slow your roll and stop freaking out.

 

[ZackieChan]

Holy shit, get a grip.

She was never a good texter anyway. And her cousins are visiting so she won't have time. There's no reason to think beyond those two things.

And if she doesn't want to see you again, okay? Move on. You've only gone on two dates. This is the same thing we discuss in here ad nauseum. Don't get too overinvested so quickly. That's why you should be attempting to date other women at the same time. Don't be fucking waiting at home all weekend hoping that she gets time for you. Go do something awesome. Take photos of it. Talk to women - you just kissed one, so you should have some renewed confidence. Be a cool fucking guy. THAT is what is attractive, so make the most of it.

 

[No Love]

Holy shit, get a grip.

She was never a good texter anyway. And her cousins are visiting so she won't have time. There's no reason to think beyond those two things.

And if she doesn't want to see you again, okay? Move on. You've only gone on two dates. This is the same thing we discuss in here ad nauseum. Don't get too overinvested so quickly. That's why you should be attempting to date other women at the same time. Don't be fucking waiting at home all weekend hoping that she gets time for you. Go do something awesome. Take photos of it. Talk to women - you just kissed one, so you should have some renewed confidence. Be a cool fucking guy. THAT is what is attractive, so make the most of it.

I agree with this. Girls like a cool guy, not a baby who worries about texting and tries to get a follow-up date ASAP. You can work wonders on women by being cool and focusing on more important things. Seriously, the less of a fuck you give, and the more you let yourself relax and build confidence, the more women want you.

 

[Nickdogmoneycash]

Don't overthink it. She probably does have her cousins around so she can't just ditch them for you.

And she might not be wanting to seem too interested, she wants you to keep chasing.

Dude, leave her alone for a few days. Yes she likes you, so back off and stop hounding her lol. Trust me, patience is a virtue and distance is healthy and desired.

Slow your roll and stop freaking out.

Lol one of you says she might want to be chased, the other says to leave her alone. Which do I do?!?

I agree that I need to calm down. I don't have many girls that show interest in me, so when one finally does, I cling on to them way too hard.

 

[peanutbutterlatte]

Back on Tinder with some decent pictures (a friend helped me out), 5th time lucky I hope. Never actually scored a date from it.

 

[No Love]

Lol one of you says she might want to be chased, the other says to leave her alone. Which do I do?!?

I agree that I need to calm down. I don't have many girls that show interest in me, so when one finally does, I cling on to them way too hard.

The chase isn't a short term thing, you're not a foxhound during the hunt. Chasing a woman doesn't mean hanging off her ass like a dingleberry every day, it means that you make an effort to win her over. This doesn't happen in a couple days or even 2 dates. It's about making an effort with a girl that's worth the effort, and that means talking to and getting to know a lot of different girls without falling so hard for one that you lose sight of how to play it cool and know when to hold and when to fold, and also to not be afraid to pull away and focus on your own thing. That even means not talking to a woman for (gasp!) A few days at a time! It's about patience and not being a high-strung neurotic fuck.

Right now, you're making moves to guarantee you'll fold early. So stop, take a deep breath, stop texting her and being a pushy fuck, and go be productive as fuck during the next two days. Go to the gym twice a day. Do all your laundry. Go change the oil on your car. Fill up your day with a ton of stuff instead of trying to spend more time with this girl. You'd be surprised how giving a girl some space can draw her in closer.

 

[Nickdogmoneycash]

Holy shit, get a grip.

She was never a good texter anyway. And her cousins are visiting so she won't have time. There's no reason to think beyond those two things.

The chase isn't a short term thing, you're not a foxhound during the hunt. Chasing a woman doesn't mean hanging off her ass like a dingleberry every day, it means that you make an effort to win her over. This doesn't happen in a couple days or even 2 dates. It's about making an effort with a girl that's worth the effort, and that means talking to and getting to know a lot of different girls without falling so hard for one that you lose sight of how to play it cool and know when to hold and when to fold, and also to not be afraid to pull away and focus on your own thing. That even means not talking to a woman for (gasp!) A few days at a time! It's about patience and not being a high-strung neurotic fuck.

Right now, you're making moves to guarantee you'll fold early.

I would definitely consider going on dates with more than one girl at once, but it's not like I have a bunch of prospects lined up. I'm not living on campus because it's summer, so the only girls I see regularly are at work. I suppose I could go to a bar and try and hit it off with someone, but I am a pretty shy dude so that would be out of my comfort zone.