Let's not get carried away. Minimal feels, but it does get lonely on the road and sometimes I feel I'd enjoy an actual lengthy relationship for a change. Settling down for about 6 months later this year, so maybe I'll get my wish.
Still, I'm a stallion that can't be tamed. I pity the lady that tries to keep me fenced in.
Ah so that girl I went out with on Friday is ignoring my messages now. I know it's all part of the game, but it was my first date in ages, and she was really nice.
Luckily for me, my match from CMB accepted my friend request and texted me. Looking at her profile, we have similar music taste and it turns out we're going to the same concert in a few weeks. Shifting my focus to getting a date with her.
I need more prospects though.
I'm usually a one woman at a time guy but fuck it, I need options.
at first I thought... yeah not going to call her...it's creepy. but then on second thoughts, I thought why not? I wanted an explanation for this sudden blocking, it made me felt dirty.
also I was sure the call wouldn't go through. lol. I ended up on the voice mail, I hanged up, she sent a text "why did you call me?" I was like oh shit oh shit, I tried to reply but before I could she call me. We had a talk and we apologized to each other.
She told me it wasn't my fault which made me feel good, I'm glad I called in a way ^^
Ah so that girl I went out with on Friday is ignoring my messages now. I know it's all part of the game, but it was my first date in ages, and she was really nice.
It happens man. I went out on a date with a girl after a few weeks of talking on the phone/texting and all that. She fell off the face of the earth afterwards. Just need to move on to the next.
You're asking unnecessary questions. If you want to see if she's interested in you, ask her out on a second date. If she says yes, then she is.
I'm not discounting your impression of vibes, of course. But I'm wondering why you're not letting you both make the call one way or another. Frankly, if you're attracted to each other, the conversation flowed (discounted for nerves, of course), and she seems like a good, decent person, why not spend another 1.5 hours with her?
Hell, she could think you were bailing on her (because you were bailing on her). Or maybe she's not interested at all. But maybe you should figure it out.
You're totally right. I guess why I don't want to spend another 1.5 hours is because some parts of the night felt "off". I can't describe it, the date just felt too casual. She followed my lead with everything, from humor to even the type of drink ordered. It felt like she was mirroring me so as not spend a single moment more than what I was ready to suggest (i.e. she was ready to leave when I was). Either way, I have no intention to meet her again.
It's sad, because so much of the thread is taken up by those people. They undeniably need advice, but I swear, I'd love to hear commentary by and for people who do date regularly and want to bounce ideas off each other. Plus, y'know, having the female perspective is crucially important.
Is it possible to lose this ability? I feel like I used to be able to just speak my mind freely and clearly without holding anything back, now I 2nd guess myself on everything and desperately try an avoid awkward silences, which of course does not work.
Let it happen.
And when it doesn, don't fidgit, don't move your eyes/head around the room searching for something interesting to say, don't laugh nervously, don't show any signs that your uncomfortable. Act you don't have a care in the world. (that doesn't include checking your cell phone though lol.) If you were making eye contact before, keep on. (don't "run away"). If not, then ok.
You can resume conversation after the silence, sure. But more importantly, you'd want to see what she does. If a girl or anyone is that content with letting the conversation drop, multiple times, and doesn't pipe in to say something ever, you have to start questioning if she's worth your time. (i.e is she into you.). No one is that shy/timid. If they're interested, they will find something to say. Heck, it might even be something dumb and they might look silly. Which is better than the alternative I'd say.
I used to carry a lot conversations. Sometimes I still do. But not anymore when I'm still feeling someone out.
But I can't say I'm super successful so maybe I shouldn't be giving advice loll.
Please find a different therapist and/or a psychiatrist that can prescribe you meds. This question and the "jokey" tone you give with it, combined with you likening people to RPG characters, is borderline sociopathic thinking. You really need more help than this thread can offer.
The answer is be honest with her about his feelings? I don't want to break her heart she seemed so into me, but I'm not sure what to do. I guess I should tell her to take things slowly on thursday?
Not related in any way, but I got a reply on okcupid after sending a pretty stupid halloween comment... I just can't believe it.
"My saint's feast day is actually at the same time as Halloween, in a way me and Halloween are actually keenly linked." ahahahahahahahaha (she said she liked halloween)
Hi all. I've been lurking this thread since I had a pretty hard break up (5 year relationship) in the beginning of this year. Just wanted to post my recent experiences.
Once I decided to back in the dating game after said breakup, I went to online dating because I had never tried it before. Used OKC, Bumble, and Tinder. Of those three, I found OKC required the most effort BY FAR (large profile, and many messages sent into the abyss) but landed more dates, although they were with women I did not want a second date with.
Bumble had the most attractive women, but was kind of a waste of time for me. Never led to any dates. One girl gave me her # to call her, showing obvious interest. She gave me a land-line to her apartment (no cell-phone?), and her roommate picked up so I left a message. The girl never called back lol.
Tinder, while did not lead to as many dates as OKC, felt like it had "higher quality" people on there in terms of personality (compared to OKC). Maybe it was the fact that less people were ghosting me on Tinder, I don't know. Also was a lot more fun. Took patience though, I was matching about 1-3 women a day, and many of them did not reply to the first message.
I've been dating someone exclusively for the past two and a half months that I met on Tinder and it has been going super well. These things (online dating) do work out eventually.
The answer is be honest with her about his feelings? I don't want to break her heart she seemed so into me, but I'm not sure what to do. I guess I should tell her to take things slowly on thursday?
Not related in any way, but I got a reply on okcupid after sending a pretty stupid halloween comment... I just can't believe it.
"My saint's feast day is actually at the same time as Halloween, in a way me and Halloween are actually keenly linked." ahahahahahahahaha (she said she liked halloween)
It was one date. She's not in love with you. Also, if you don't want to date her, why would you: (a) see her again or (b) tell her to "take things slowly." What does that even mean, take things slowly?
The only classy dick pic is a dick pic with no dick.
On creepiness, it is never okay to be creepy. It is okay to be a person with non-normal hobbies (D&D, Anime, certain kinds of fetishes, heavy into comics). Those hobbies shouldn't define you though. You should be a complete person without them entering into a picture. They are simply an aspect of you. If they define you, odds are you are boring.
No, really. Plus you actually took time off and worked on yourself, yeah? You're a budding success story.
chill bro
It was one date. She's not in love with you. Also, if you don't want to date her, why would you: (a) see her again or (b) tell her to "take things slowly." What does that even mean, take things slowly?
Damn man. I'm that bad? As I've said in my last post, this place consumed me so much with paranoia and over analyzing that I had to leave. I've been on plenty of dates, but so till nothing worthy. Longest was 6 dates. I broke it off, but that's a different story.
So update on the girl from the last post:
Sunday night she asks I I want to be lazy with her and eat pizza and watch movies. I go over were having a good time, and her roommate ends up getting off work early. We're all watching movies, were on the couch with her lying on me. We go to bed. This time I take my clothes off except for my underwear. We're spooning like the last time.
Fourth of July. Me, her, and her roommates we all go to the beach for the day to watch fireworks. Before we leave we go to target because she needs a new swimsuit. She gets coffee at the Starbucks, buys me one of their teas. So nice of her.
Fastforward to getting back to their place after the beach. We hit the sack. Maybe an hour or two later, she's rubbing on my chest. I turn to her, and we're both going at it with the kissing. I get on top of her with the kissing. I eventually go down on her. After that I take my underwear off. We kiss a bit more and she says she's not ready to have sex yet. I tell her it's ok and respect her decision. Morning comes around. I have to leave for work while she's in bed. After I'm read my I go to her room. I tell her we were both being too forward with each other and hopefully it wasn't an issue. She tells me it's ok. Didn't seem to bother her? We kiss and I leave.
I shoot her a text an hour ago saying I had a great time with her the last two days l, and that hopefully she did as well. She'll reply back, but that's not what I'm thinking. I'm thinking after she replies, should I reaffirm my stance on what happened last night, and tell her I don't want to jeopardize something good happening between the two of us, or just drop it and never bring it up again? I'm guessing it's the latter.
Why does this keep happening to me? I completely respect her decision to wait, but if we had just had sex, I wouldn't be replying in this thread now. And if you count the the last two days, we've seen each other four times already.
Oh and something else: her roommate a couple nights ago brought up how she tried hooking her up with her cute coworker. The girl I'm seeing then says how she doesn't date within the industry she's in. I just found that a little odd to bring that up around me. Then again yesterday when we were grabbing a bite at the beach her roommate takes a picture of the two of us, and the girl I'm seeing takes a pic of us/group of us.
Anyway I'm hoping I still have a shot. I really like her. Very supercool and down to earth.
Let it happen.
And when it doesn, don't fidgit, don't move your eyes/head around the room searching for something interesting to say, don't laugh nervously, don't show any signs that your uncomfortable. Act you don't have a care in the world. (that doesn't include checking your cell phone though lol.) If you were making eye contact before, keep on. (don't "run away"). If not, then ok.
You can resume conversation after the silence, sure. But more importantly, you'd want to see what she does. If a girl or anyone is that content with letting the conversation drop, multiple times, and doesn't pipe in to say something ever, you have to start questioning if she's worth your time. (i.e is she into you.). No one is that shy/timid. If they're interested, they will find something to say. Heck, it might even be something dumb and they might look silly. Which is better than the alternative I'd say.
I used to carry a lot conversations. Sometimes I still do. But not anymore when I'm still feeling someone out.
But I can't say I'm super successful so maybe I shouldn't be giving advice loll.
Hey guys, I really needs some help with this. It's dating-adjacent, and I basically have nowhere else to go.
As I said earlier in this thread, I'm 26 years old and going back to college this year. The thing I left out is that I've also basically been a recluse from anyone but my family for the past 8 years, and even before that, I've missed out on quite a bit of social development in my youth thanks to a crippling case of social anxiety. I don't not function in social situations or anything like that, it's just that I'm still to this day wrecked with self-doubt and fears, along with not really have the learned skills or behaviors I believe necessary to build up any type of meaningful relationship, let alone a romantic one.
All of that as pretext to the question: How do I go about getting ready to be a dateable person? What steps do I undertake? Will I even be able to become a functional person in that regard anymore, given my history, let alone in any type of reasonable time frame (1-2 years)?
Also, I used to weigh 300 lbs as well (at 6'1''), and have lost about 70 pounds up until now. I have some amount of loose skin, and probably will still have some amount of loose skin even once I'm done building up some decent amount of muscle in a year to a year and a half. Does anyone have experience with dealing with this kind of stuff when dating? How terrible will my experience be thanks to this issue?
Oh and, like... How will I even be a person people will WANT to date given all of this history behind me? How do I even bounce back from this?
I know it sounds pathetic, but I genuinely hope that someone is able to give me some answers, because I don't have that many places to turn to anymore. I've had a terrible couple of weeks, and it's basically been all I've been able to think about.
Hi all. I've been lurking this thread since I had a pretty hard break up (5 year relationship) in the beginning of this year. Just wanted to post my recent experiences.
Once I decided to back in the dating game after said breakup, I went to online dating because I had never tried it before. Used OKC, Bumble, and Tinder. Of those three, I found OKC required the most effort BY FAR (large profile, and many messages sent into the abyss) but landed more dates, although they were with women I did not want a second date with.
Bumble had the most attractive women, but was kind of a waste of time for me. Never led to any dates. One girl gave me her # to call her, showing obvious interest. She gave me a land-line to her apartment (no cell-phone?), and her roommate picked up so I left a message. The girl never called back lol.
Tinder, while did not lead to as many dates as OKC, felt like it had "higher quality" people on there in terms of personality (compared to OKC). Maybe it was the fact that less people were ghosting me on Tinder, I don't know. Also was a lot more fun. Took patience though, I was matching about 1-3 women a day, and many of them did not reply to the first message.
I've been dating someone exclusively for the past two and a half months that I met on Tinder and it has been going super well. These things (online dating) do work out eventually.
So now this new girl I'm talking to is third shift and I'll be getting up for work right as she's getting home lol. Our conversation went well though tonight. Hoping to take her out for a drink one of the nights she's free.
So, if things don't work out here, at least I've made a HUGE step forward both in facing depression and fighting social anxiety. I'm not 100% sure how to move forward from here but this is first time I've been excited about meeting a girl in a long time.
Co-worker hosted a little kickback on Sunday, and I ended up meeting a girl there who I work with who also is new to Colorado and new to the job. I started out nervous as fuck when she walked in because I've seen her and thought she was cute at work, but I was already a couple beers deep so I just started talking to her right away. Fuck it right? A lot is fuzzy, but I know she was my BP partner, and we were having a blast and I'd kinda sit next to her and chat it up all night. We were pretty much talking for most of the night: favorite beer, how we like it out here, how quiet she seemed at work, etc. She even ended up wearing my hat for a little bit! Eventually I asked if she goes out often, she does twice a week with her brother and we said we should definitely go out together one day! We exchanged numbers, we exchanged Snapchat, and we went back to kicking it and chatting. Not sure if she's interested, because at the end of the night I was gonna couch surf it and she went home with a DD, but when I suggested she stay she said she didn't trust me. But she didn't really elaborate on it. Me and her were the most drunken at these kick back. And We both had work at 10 the next day tho, so I'm not really sure. I've talked to her at work since then and she still seems cool and has been laughing and making jokes but I haven't texted her or sent her a snap yet.
Talked to someone who was there today, and she totally knew I was into this girl. Think I'm going to tomorrow, send a snap of the beer that just so happened to be both our favorites (Sculpin Ballast Point for life), and just say what's up and we should get drinks. What's the worst that can happen?
But for the first time in a long time, I felt good. It felt right. And it was fun! And even if it doesn't work out, it was a huge confidence boost.
So now this new girl I'm talking to is third shift and I'll be getting up for work right as she's getting home lol. Our conversation went well though tonight. Hoping to take her out for a drink one of the nights she's free.
I'm being sincere when I say that I hope you get to the point soon where every interaction with a potential date isn't post-worthy. The type of event that I'm quoting is the embryonic stage of a date/relationship. It should be nearly meaningless after you go on a few successful dates. You'll get there, man!
Aw thanks. After awhile, figured that I should focus on more important things like getting my drivers license and working towards something. I should try to enjoy life even though It could be better. Then maybe I should reconsider finding a mate.
I'm being sincere when I say that I hope you get to the point soon where every interaction with a potential date isn't post-worthy. The type of event that I'm quoting is the embryonic stage of a date/relationship. It should be nearly meaningless after you go on a few successful dates. You'll get there, man!
My point was that there's almost nothing happening in that post. The fact that you posted it makes me think you're putting way too much importance into someone that you haven't met yet and seemingly haven't even discussed a specific meeting with. When she's free? That's nothing. You should be having this level of conversation quite often if you're seeking dates. Like I said, it's the embryonic stage.
I just worry that you're overinvesting yourself at way too early a stage in a potential meetup.
All of that as pretext to the question: How do I go about getting ready to be a dateable person? What steps do I undertake? Will I even be able to become a functional person in that regard anymore, given my history, let alone in any type of reasonable time frame (1-2 years)?
Also, I used to weigh 300 lbs as well (at 6'1''), and have lost about 70 pounds up until now. I have some amount of loose skin, and probably will still have some amount of loose skin even once I'm done building up some decent amount of muscle in a year to a year and a half. Does anyone have experience with dealing with this kind of stuff when dating? How terrible will my experience be thanks to this issue?
Oh and, like... How will I even be a person people will WANT to date given all of this history behind me? How do I even bounce back from this?
I know it sounds pathetic, but I genuinely hope that someone is able to give me some answers, because I don't have that many places to turn to anymore. I've had a terrible couple of weeks, and it's basically been all I've been able to think about.
I was in a similar situation...massive weight loss, social isolation, crappy childhood, and just an overall feeling that I'm getting started so late that I'm totally shit out of luck. (If you want the full story, PM me) Of all the questions asked, here's the most important answer: You aren't fucked, you can bounce back. There's no such thing as being so broken that you cannot be fixed.
Make people date you for your present and future. Your history will only sink you as much as you let it. You control how much of your history girls know about, so if you don't want to talk about it, don't. Wait for them to get to know you better, the new you, before you get into a depressing past.
As far as becoming "dateable", you're improving your body. That's a damn good first step. Can't comment too much on the loose skin aspect, so I won't. What's next is improving your conversation skills...for that, I'd recommend checking out the book list and TED talk posted a few days ago. A good starting point involves expanding your life experiences. The more shit you've done, the more shit you can talk about. Travelling the world is a damn good one, but even traversing the local food scene will give you interesting stuff to talk about. Look at Zackiechan...he's a world-travelling video game lawyer! I'd bet you good money he uses those experiences to pick up girls.
Not like his face is doing him favors. Am I supposed to throw shade while offering advice?
.
And man, if you knew how dysfunctional the average functional person is, you wouldn't stress so much. To be human is to be racked with insecurities and doubt. Doubly so if you're a woman.
I was in a similar situation...massive weight loss, social isolation, crappy childhood, and just an overall feeling that I'm getting started so late that I'm totally shit out of luck. (If you want the full story, PM me) Of all the questions asked, here's the most important answer: You aren't fucked, you can bounce back. There's no such thing as being so broken that you cannot be fixed.
Make people date you for your present and future. Your history will only sink you as much as you let it. You control how much of your history girls know about, so if you don't want to talk about it, don't. Wait for them to get to know you better, the new you, before you get into a depressing past.
As far as becoming "dateable", you're improving your body. That's a damn good first step. Can't comment too much on the loose skin aspect, so I won't. What's next is improving your conversation skills...for that, I'd recommend checking out the book list and TED talk posted a few days ago. A good starting point involves expanding your life experiences. The more shit you've done, the more shit you can talk about. Travelling the world is a damn good one, but even traversing the local food scene will give you interesting stuff to talk about. Look at Zackiechan...he's a world-travelling video game lawyer! I'd bet you good money he uses those experiences to pick up girls.
Not like his face is doing him favors. Am I supposed to throw shade while offering advice?
.
And man, if you knew how dysfunctional the average functional person is, you wouldn't stress so much. To be human is to be racked with insecurities and doubt. Doubly so if you're a woman.
2nd date with someone tonight. Was a great hike and eat but I totally threw my own friendzone shade at her throughout. And we talked/laughed the whole time.
I knew it at dinner and kissed her because she was about to eat shrimp and I'm allergic. She reacted into it. Ended sweetly.
Real news and reason for my shade is that the woman I met for drinks on Sunday was all over my mind. We had this awesome connection, went to her place had sex for like 6 hours and woke up and got brunch on the fourth. All of it amazing. Now she's coming over this week. I might be a rebound but I'm gladly taking on the role of Dennis Rodman if so.
2nd date with someone tonight. Was a great hike and eat but I totally threw my own friendzone shade at her throughout. And we talked/laughed the whole time.
I knew it at dinner and kissed her because she was about to eat shrimp and I'm allergic. She reacted into it. Ended sweetly.
Real news and reason for my shade is that the woman I met for drinks on Sunday was all over my mind. We had this awesome connection, went to her place had sex for like 6 hours and woke up and got brunch on the fourth. All of it amazing. Now she's coming over this week. I might be a rebound but I'm gladly taking on the role of Dennis Rodman if so.
I was in a similar situation...massive weight loss, social isolation, crappy childhood, and just an overall feeling that I'm getting started so late that I'm totally shit out of luck. (If you want the full story, PM me) Of all the questions asked, here's the most important answer: You aren't fucked, you can bounce back. There's no such thing as being so broken that you cannot be fixed.
Make people date you for your present and future. Your history will only sink you as much as you let it. You control how much of your history girls know about, so if you don't want to talk about it, don't. Wait for them to get to know you better, the new you, before you get into a depressing past.
As far as becoming "dateable", you're improving your body. That's a damn good first step. Can't comment too much on the loose skin aspect, so I won't. What's next is improving your conversation skills...for that, I'd recommend checking out the book list and TED talk posted a few days ago. A good starting point involves expanding your life experiences. The more shit you've done, the more shit you can talk about. Travelling the world is a damn good one, but even traversing the local food scene will give you interesting stuff to talk about. Look at Zackiechan...he's a world-travelling video game lawyer! I'd bet you good money he uses those experiences to pick up girls.
Not like his face is doing him favors. Am I supposed to throw shade while offering advice?
.
And man, if you knew how dysfunctional the average functional person is, you wouldn't stress so much. To be human is to be racked with insecurities and doubt. Doubly so if you're a woman.
Thanks for the reply. I'll definitely keep plugging along. Your advice of "life experience" is definitely something I've thought about, and in fact is one of the reasons why I'm so fearful of what the future holds, seeing as how I feel as if I should have racked up a whole bunch already. But I do suppose I have the choice between worrying about it and being in the same position next year, or stop worrying (which I don't know how) and just get out there and start doing it now.
I don't quite understand why you're feeling insecure in this situation. Everything you're saying sounds pretty good to me. You seem to be having fun together, she seems to be sexually attracted to you but just isn't ready for sex yet. That's how it is for some people, so as long as waiting with sex isn't a problem to you then all is good.
You don't need to bring it up with her later, especially a specific situation like that. You stopped when she wanted to and that's that. And you don't need to stop being physical with her either.
