The role of exclusives is debatable. At the individual level it can certainly rise in importance as you've stated, but just look at a list of the best selling games. That clearly shows that the interests of the majority of gamers is with the multiplatforms. Halo is the last game that you could say is a system seller but with the reception of its last outing and Bungie moving on to multiplatforms that is no longer the case.
I wouldn't say it's "no longer the case". The very first Halo on the Xbox One is going to have a ton of hype simply due to it being the first current gen Halo. Now if Halo 5 isn't considered good then yeah, the series as a whole may be in trouble for the rest of the gen. Should be interesting to see either way.
Some games don't show a difference...so far. The hardware difference in performance is there so if that difference doesn't show up in software then it is by choice. The fact remains that every time a multiplatform game is released that has better performance on the PS4, it is an advertisement for Sony, and that is going to continue for the rest of this generation...
Sometimes but I wouldn't say it's greater than actual advertisements. Like I said before, I think the PS4 would still be doing as well as its doing now if it's position in power was switched with the Xbox One. So even if say, the Xbox One version of Watch_Dogs was visually better, I wouldn't think it would matter much to mainstream gamers if they would have to dig through and/or ignore a bunch of the PS4 advertising of the game just to find that information.
Which is why I said that the XB1's lead is reduced, not gone. However now that I think about it, I'm not so sure the PS4 even concedes this category. When the PS4 gets VR with Project Morpheus, it will have the lead in 'extras'. Granted, price could become an issue, but potential buyers will want to future proof their console purchase by getting the PS4. In any event the extras on the XB1 side have so far shown little selling power, to the point where MS has to continually reassure the public that it will now focus on games.
Too soon to say how VR will do. There's interest but if it's a high price then I can't see there being a lot of gamers that will be interested in it. I really want to try it out myself. Definitely one of those things that you have to see/use in person to know how good it is.
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Casual gamers aren't buying a $400 system....
Many did last gen (Xbox 360).